Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Disaster Averted

I almost cried in front of a boy tonight. It was close.


Hung out with the Prez yesterday. We're tight like that. He was in town to stump for a congressional candidate. He walked in with his collar unbuttoned and his sleeves rolled up. Looked very Texas-casual. He knows his people. They ate it up. His personality comes through so well in person. No matter your political stance, he's a likeable fella. It's difficult to capture his wry humor and sly style in the media. You can't help but smile at him when he looks at you or makes a wisecrack.
I was covering this rally he was speaking at. The room was filled with hundreds upon hundreds of PLMs. It was scary. It was so very white bread, perfect smile, middle class. White. Whiter than white. There may have been a total of five African-Americans in the room. One of them was a guest speaker...can we say "token"? I saw one person of Hispanic descent. A handful of people from South Asia. And lots and lots of white people. White people wearing polos and dockers. White people wearing twin sets and pearls. I felt as though I was staring my future in the face. So that's what I'll look like when I'm 40.


Monday, October 30, 2006

Blog Anonymity

I am accused of allowing too much mystery on my blog. I am told I need to throw more people under the bus. People want to know who "the date" is. People want to know who the comments are from on the Friday Funnies. I bow to the whims of my adoring public. I will include more attribution. Fear not! Things that are said in private conversation will not be attributed. But things said in public are fair game. This is your warning.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"The first time we met was at a bar. The second time we met we slept together."

"The whole baby-making concept freaks me out."
Note: the person who made this statement actually meant baby-having, not baby-making.

Overheard: "The problem is she contaminates every pair of panties she owns."

"We require the most beautiful cheerleading squad, which you shall lead in glorious chants of our god-like physiques."

Overheard: "That's because all you're thinking about is sex."

"We need something bigger to mix all the margaritas."

Me: "I bought a new dress for our date."
My Date: "Me too."

"The gamma female spies her prey. As she slowly slips down the cliff, she makes sure not to startle the object she seeks...the easily frightened male of her species. Keeping her eye on him at all times, she slowly, ever so gently approaches...in the blink of an eye, she pounces. The male is startled and bolts over to the alpha female group where he is greeted by the shallow gene pool females he delights himself in so often, leaving the gamma female to lick her wounds and return to her den. Her empty, cold lonely den."

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Date

I know all of you have been waiting to find out how "the date" went. I didn't want to blog about it yesterday. It was all too fresh and new. Now that I've had time to process it, I am ready to fill you in. The following is a rundown of Tuesday.

4:00: Leave the office early to go home and get ready.

4:30: Stop at the drugstore to buy shaving cream. Must make sure legs are extra smooth.

5:00: Jeanine comes over so we can get ready together (she has a "date" too).

5:30: Final touches on hair. Quick coat of polish on toes.

5:45: Finish the make-up, with careful attention to mascara. Two coats.

5:50: Put on new dress, strappy black heels and fabulous earrings. Decide against the necklace.

5:55: Grab evening bag. Spritz on perfume. Blot lipstick. Final check in the mirror.

6:00: Doorbell rings. Our dates are here! Open the door. They look so cute and ever so slightly uncomfortable.

6:05: Jeanine and I are ready to leave.

6:10: My date is worried because traffic is bad. Jeanine's date is optimistic, but not the one driving.

6:15: My date is more worried and begins discussing alternative routes and travel times.

6:20: My phone rings. It is Shanna. No, it is not Shanna. It is one of her students, trying to convince me he is Shanna's new boyfriend.

6:25: Still on the phone with Shanna's "new boyfriend" who is trying to convince me to meet him at Starbucks. My date gets slightly jealous. Get off the phone with under-age boy who wants to meet me at Starbucks.

6:30: Arrive downtown and walk to restaurant.

6:35: Decide the wait at restaurant is too long. Walk to another (very nice!) restaurant just around the corner.

6:40-7:35: Enjoy lovely dinner and excellent conversation. Walk to theatre.

7:40-10:30: Watch show. Whisper jokes and comments to my date. My date whispers back. Date suggests we sneak into the box seats during intermission. Date doesn't specify what he wants to do when we get there, so I decide it's better to stay where we are.

10:35: Walk back to car. Someone suggests parking garages are a good place for...well..."parking." No "parking" actually takes place.

11:00: Arrive home. Thank my date for a lovely evening.

11:05: Walk inside and find two cockroaches.

11:10: Text my date, in hopes that he will propose marriage and get me out of this hellhole.

11:25: Date texts back. No marriage proposal.

11:35: Get ready for bed (after Jeanine vanquishes cockroaches). Consider what the best colors for bridesmaids dresses would be. Wonder what my date would think of black with pale pink sashes...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Forget Something?

This is what greeted me when I got on the elevator at the office today. A broom. Clearly, there are only two possible explanations for this: someone was sweeping the carpeted elevator and was raptured up, leaving only the broom behind OR the Wicked Witch of the West was in the studios to do an interview and accidentally left her broom on the elevator.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Bits and Pieces

I changed my profile picture. A big thanks to the people who let me know they think it's a good picture. I like Beth's assessment of what it says about me. Funny, smart and gorgeous. Go with that. If you don't agree, feel free to keep it to yourself.

Girls, I will not be telling the secret object of my affection that I like him. I'm with Dovie on the whole concept of staying single rather than trying the "Ruth approach." Besides, I know I won't end up with this person, so there's no point in telling him anyway. (Dennis, this other man in no way jeopardizes our relationship.) (Kirk, ditto.)

Today I interviewed a total wacko. My job is so weird sometimes. One day I am covering the sentencing for one of the biggest corporate fraud cases of the century, and the next day I am talking to a man who thinks that he died, came back to life and is now a psychic. Did you know that God is simply all perceptions perceived? That's right. This man has God all figured out. God is the embodiment of every thought you could ever have. Presumably God only embodies the good thoughts and not the bad ones.

My date is tonight! I bought a new dress (more on that in the Friday Funnies). It amuses me how seriously people are taking this. I would just like to state here that if I actually had a "real" date, I would not be blogging about it. There are some things that don't belong in the public domain.

Speaking of things that don't belong in the public domain: Sarah, I simply don't think I can bring myself to blog about the unnamed TMI topic. It would make for a great blog topic...but I must take pity on my QQ readers and leave some things unsaid.

Finally, a moment of silence for Troy's blog. (Pause.)
It has been exactly two months since we have been blessed by an entry from The Troy. I still check The Silly Rotor every day, just in case...and every day it makes me sad.

R.I.P., T.S.R. You'll always be in our hearts. We love you.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Sunday Song (Belated)

Please don't do what I say,
cause if you don't love me,
it's worthless anyway.
Please don't trouble yourself,
you'll only go away in the end.

Please don't follow all my commands
cause what's the point in that.
I keep hoping that all of your plans
will fall through the roof.

Like two ships passing in the night, we're gone.
Only the moon and the stars in the sky
did know to cry for me as I sailed on.

Please don't trouble yourself.
I only want your love,
you keep giving me your help.
Please stop playing along.
You know you're wasting your energy
and you're breaking my heart.

Oh I can just see it now-
you're recklessly in love,
your heart's boiling over.
I can just see it now-
you're coming around.

~Landon Pigg


Have you ever liked someone, while knowing that you will never end up with that person?
I am so there.

Courtroom Blogging

I'm blogging from the overflow room in the federal courthouse. We're waiting for the sentencing hearing for Enron CEO Jeff Skilling to begin. This is one of those days that, as a reporter, I hate and love at the same time. The first part of the day is "hurry up and wait." Here is what I have done so far:
-Rush to the courthouse. -Check in with the marshalls and turn over all recording equipment. -Set up computer in the overflow room. -Read up on background for the story. -Wait for a long time. -Keep waiting. Hearing starts at 1pm...no telling when it will wrap up, probably around 3pm. So lots of waiting.
Here is what my afternoon will probably look like:
As soon as the sentence is handed down: pack up computer and rush downstairs. -Retrieve recording equipment from marshalls. -Run outside and set up recording equipment. -Wait for Skilling and attorneys to come down and make a statement. -While listening to Skilling's statement, realize that prosecuting attorneys are sneaking out the other door and are getting away. -Grab recorder off mike stand and rush after them. Tackle one to the ground and force her to give me a comment. -Triumphantly head back to the mike stand just in time to hear Skilling say "no more questions." -Frantically write a report to go on air. -Call in live report and stumble over several words. -Drive back to the station and do phone interviews with "experts." -Write new version of report for the morning news. -Go home and go to bed.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"If you could talk about floating grass, he would be much more interested in listening to you."

"I think I'll go to Hooters for dinner...to witness to the lost."

"I wish you could do Night Radio and be 'Laurie Fever.'"

"Do you need to go to counseling to work through your blame issues?"

Me to Guy: "Don't forget you have a hotpad in your pants."
Guy to me: "Thanks. I know it's there."

"I don't know which is worse - standing next to Mr. Pipe Smoker or next to Mr. Body Odor. The worst is standing next to both of them. I don't ever want to do that again."

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Hi. Me again.

Just when I think I have nothing left to say...a random bunch of bloggable items comes to mind.

Last week I saw a woman jogging in the park...wearing a bikini.

I was amused by the following phone conversation with a guy.
Me: Hey, what's going on?
Guy: I'm holding a small, flowered bag. Inside the bag is pain reliever, a hairbrush and something called "Burt's Bees."
Me: That's mine.
Guy: I thought so. I already checked with my roommate and he said it wasn't his.

I just had a serious conversation with one of our classical music announcers about the musical and production merits of JT's FutureSex/LoveSounds album.

We have a new intern in the newsroom. He's 17 and absolutely adorable. He walked up to my desk yesterday, slid a piece of paper toward me and said in a near-whisper "I just finished my first story. How should I end it?" My immediate thought was "if you just finished your story shouldn't it already have an ending?" I didn't say that out loud.

A friend of mine is trying to decide what to wear to her high school reunion. The invitation says dressy casual. Isn't that an oxymoron? Seriously, what exactly is dressy casual?

There are only five days left until my date!

I'm so ashamed

I've missed not one, but TWO days of blogging this week. I'm sorry.

On Monday, the flooding situation made work a bit crazy. Yesterday, I was sent to cover breaking news on the bomb threat against Reliant Stadium. There was simply no time to blog at work (shocking). My internet is down at home, so no blogging happened there either.

To compound the problem, I don't really have anything interesting to blog about today. So you get this lame excuse blog. Yay for you.

And, unless things take a sharp turnaround, I have hardly anything for the Friday Funnies tomorrow. It's looking dismal.

There is a topic I want to blog about. But I don't think I have the guts to do it as it falls squarely into the "TMI" category.

Oh! Random email press release just came through. They used the slang term "fabu" as though that's really cool. Don't they know that's so '90s?

More thoughts coming to me...was out on the job today and introduced myself to someone. When I told him my name his eyes got huge and he raised his hands in front of his mouth, let out an excited sigh and exclaimed "Oh my gosh! I'm meeting LAURIE JOHNSON!" then he sort of fluttered his hands and got all tongue-tied. I shook his hand and asked his name and he couldn't answer...he literally forgot his own name for a moment! He told me he's a huge fan of mine. When I left, his final words to me were "I can't believe I met Laurie Johnson today."
Ahhh...the life of a celebrity.

(It still makes me laugh every time I run spellcheck and the site wants to change "blogging" to "flogging." The irony.)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Taste Sensation

Today I went a little crazy and purchased a Diet Pepsi Jazz Black Cherry French Vanilla. I bought it because there were so many adjectives in the title. And so many flavors. I think the Diet Pepsi Jazz Black Cherry French Vanilla is trying to be all things to all people.
It was two things to me: nas-ty.
It tasted a little bit like bubble gum mixed with cough syrup, with a lingering aftertaste of yeck. That was after the first sip. I took another swig just to confirm my findings. Still yeck. This is the point where I caution all of you not to try it. Which, of course, means most of you will buy one the next time you're at a convenience store because you want to taste the yeck for yourself.

Oh, and just because this is my blog and I can do pretty much whatever I want on it...I am providing you all with a list of links that you simply must check out. Enjoy.

Disapproving Rabbits (They're rabbits. And they disapprove.)

Ken Jennings' Blog (He's hilarious!)

Marmaduke Explained (Warning: sometimes contains offensive language.)

The Sacred Sandwich (Look for "Your Best Teeth Now.")

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sunday Song

Baby, see how I've been living-
velvet curtains on the windows too
keep the bright and unforgiving
light from shining through.
Baby, I remember all the things we did
when we slept together in the blue behind your eyelids.
Baby, sweet baby

Chased your scent through the gloom
until I found these purple flowers.
I was spent. I was soon
smelling you for hours.
Lavendar, lotus blossoms too,
water the dirt -- flowers last for you.
Baby, sweet baby

Tangerines and persimmons and sugar cane,
grapes and honeydew melons, enough fit for a queen.
Lemon trees don't make a sound
til the branches bend and fruit falls to the ground.
Baby, sweet baby

Come to my world and witness
the way things have changed.
'Cause I finally did it, Baby,
I got out of La Grange.
Got in my Mercury and drove out west,
pedal to the metal and my luck to the test.
Baby, sweet baby

I've been trying to enjoy all the fruits of my labor.
I've been crying for you, boy, but truth is my savior
Baby, sweet baby if it's all the same,
take the glory any day over the fame
Baby, sweet baby

~Lucinda Williams

Friday, October 13, 2006

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"We should develop a new women's perfume and call it SaltLick!"

"I am the litmus test for grace."

"Laurie, could you ice down my biceps? Because I think they're swollen."

On the subject of Laverne and Shirley:
Me: "It's not like I greet them in the morning."
Guy Friend: "If they were mine, I would greet them every day."

On the subject of crossing the line vs. dancing close to the line:
"If you're only dancing, then you're dancing in the middle of a Southern Baptist Convention Elders' meeting."

"Please let me know when the alpha version of SaltLick is ready for testing."

How the Bible addresses the dangers of internet dating:
"Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use keyboard and monitor. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete." 2 John 12 (New Living Paradigm Translation)

Thursday, October 12, 2006

I have a date!

A guy called me yesterday. He told me he had tickets to see West Side Story and he was wondering if I wanted to go. Yesssss! I did think it was odd that he told me he wasn't going to kiss me afterward. But, whatever. I also thought it was strange that he stressed the fact that other people would be going with us. It's almost like he's trying to tell me it's not a date. Hmmm. But he specifically told me I could call it a date, if I wanted to. It was also a little weird that this guy knows I have already told him that we wouldn't make a good couple. Seems like he wouldn't ask me out after we've already had that conversation. But clearly he asked and I said yes...woman's prerogative and all.

Okay, so maybe it's not a date. Maybe it's one friend calling up another friend to invite that person to go see a show together. Throw me a bone, people. A girl can dream.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Bath Time

I recently learned about the vast differences between how men and women view bathing. I'm not talking about getting clean, I'm talking about taking a bath. Here's what I learned:

Women and bathing~
When a woman takes a bath, it is a relaxing experience. Certain preparations must take place before stepping into the tub. First, you pour a glass of wine (some of you may skip this step). Next, you run the hot water. My own preference is to make the water as hot as I can stand it. This is relaxing to the body and helps keep the water warm throughout the duration of the bath. While the water is running, some sort of scented bath salts, bubble bath or other additive should be poured into the tub. If you have long hair, now is the time to pin it up. Light a few candles and place them around the tub/bathroom. Grab a rolled up towel or air pillow, along with a novel or magazine. Step into the tub, adjust the pillow, lay back and breathe a deep sigh of relaxation. Commence sipping, reading, breathing in the scented steam and generally luxuriating in the silky water. Try not to doze off. Repeat next week.

Men and bathing~
Men don't take baths. There's a reason for this. Here's what happens when a man takes a bath. First, draw a tubful of hot water. Make it really hot. Get in the tub. Sit there for a while. Don't bring a book with you because it will get wet. Start sweating in the hot water. Get out of the tub and turn down the thermostat. Get back in the tub. Sit there some more. Realize you are hungry. Get out of the tub, go to the kitchen and grab some crackers and cheese. Get back in the tub while munching your snack. Realize there are now cracker crumbs floating in your bathwater. Sit there a little longer. Realize you are thirsty from all the crackers and cheese. Continue to sit in what appears to be your own filth until you can't take it anymore. Get out of the tub feeling dirty, sweaty, thirsty and disgusted. Swear never to take another bath.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Making Music

I am so excited to have Guest Music Critic Eye Doctor Justin sharing his review with us today. Hopefully this will become a semi-regular feature on the QQ. Enjoy!

Album of Note: Turn Around by Jonny Lang

Every once in awhile there is an album that comes along that impacts me on so much more than simply a musical level. For me, Turn Around is that album.

Jonny Lang (yes, that's right... there isn't any "h") has been making music for almost ten years now. What makes that so amazing is that he is my age... 25. When I was a freshman in high school Jonny released his first album, Lie to Me, and in the 10 years since then he has meticulously developed himself into a brilliant blues guitarist/singer/songwriter. In all honesty, Jonny Lang is the blues artist that I have been looking for. Many of his fellow singer/songwriters ( i.e. Mard Broussard) would do well to pay close attention to the way that Jonny goes about his art.

The first album of his that I was exposed to was Long Time Coming, but he was not truly on my radar screen until last week when I downloaded his new album Turn Around. On the surface, this album is a cool fusion of blues and gospel, but then I read this interview, and Turn Around completely came alive.

Amazing. Turn Around is Jonny Lang living out the reality of his life while producing the best blues album out right now. If you do nothing else, do yourself a favor and download "Only a Man", but the whole album is well worth your $9.99.

Monday, October 09, 2006

An Affair to Remember

I've been trying not to make a big deal out of this. My internet love affair with Dennis has been spiraling downward. At first, the relationship seemed to be really great. We even had our own music montage! But as the days went by he grew more and more distant. I tried not to let it bother me. I kept reading his blog. I even commented a few times. I didn't tell anyone that things weren't going so well. I thought maybe the problem was with me. But then the argument began. It's funny how couples will fight over the smallest things. It actually took a mediator to resolve the dispute between us. I wanted to share all of this with my faithful QQ readers because I have good news: Dennis and I are fully reconciled. I told him how I felt he had created distance between us. He quickly responded by commenting twice on my blog! He also added me to his blog-roll. The least I can do is reciprocate.

Relationships can be hard.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sunday Song

I woke up
and wished that I was dead
with an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed.
I thought of you
and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on.

And everything
that I said I'd do,
like make the world brand-new
and take the time for you,
I just got lost
and slept right through the dawn
and the world spins madly on.

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my windowsill
the whole world is moving but I'm standing still

I woke up
and wished that I was dead
with an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed.
The night is here
the day is gone
and the world spins madly on.

I thought of you
and where you'd gone
and the world spins madly on.

~The Weepies

Friday, October 06, 2006

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Scream and say you saw a roach. Maybe we'll get a free meal out of it."

"And behold, she spake unto him and said, 'alas.'"

"I could carry you across the threshold, but the construction crew might get the wrong idea."

"All these baseball players on steroids...instead of using cups, now they're using thimbles."

"Todd, you don't want a shag?"

"God's sovereignty is like a string around your neck."

"I'm like a muslim terrorist."

Thursday, October 05, 2006


I post something intended to be funny and silly and I get 17 comments. Most of them being reactionary or angry. I post something sweet and heart-felt and I get three comments (thank you, Commenters!). So clearly I need to stick to the outrageous, over-the-top, controversial topics. That way I'll get more comments. The more comments I have on my blog, the more important I feel. So now I have to come up with a list of vitriolic topics to blog about that will generate hundreds of comments and maybe get me listed on Blogger's "Blogs of Note."

(Some of you may not know the definitions for dichotomy and vitriolic. I don't care.)

(Okay, really I do care. But I am trying to be vitriolic. I realize you don't know what that means. The important thing to remember is vitriol does not come naturally to me. I'm really having to work at it.)

(Okay, fine. It means acidic or caustic. And dichotomy means a division, usually between contradictory groups. Are you happy now? I didn't think so.)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why best friends are...well...the best

Best friends are the best because...

  1. They stand up for you.
  2. They defend you against attack.
  3. They don't mind when you make fun of them.
  4. You don't mind when they make fun of you.
  5. They make you feel safe.
  6. They know what you mean to say, even when you don't say it.
  7. They push you to grow in your faith.
  8. They overlook your faults, but they don't let you get away with anything.
  9. They know all your inside jokes.
  10. They are trustworthy.
  11. They tease you and you like it.
  12. They encourage you and you appreciate it.
  13. They keep no record of wrongs.
  14. They charge you for text messages but fix everything in your house for free.
  15. They are Christ to you.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Let's Give 'Em Somethin' to Blog About

I fear the Summit Blog is dying. In a recent scientific survey conducted by me, I found that only 54 percent of the blogs listed in my "Friends" section were updated within the last month. Out of 44 blogs, three are dead links. Three other blogs have not been updated since May. One of the blogs has a grand total of two entries, the last one being in August. Even the most dependable bloggers would appear to be entering the death throes.

Perhaps it is time for an intervention. Maybe all of these bloggers simply need something to blog about. In an effort to help revive the blog community and do my part to promote Summit blogging, I submit the following topics for use by anyone undergoing blog-block.

  • Summit Men: Why they don't date
  • Summit Women: Why they always say "no"
  • Nehemiah as the next hot baby name
  • Destination Weddings: Colosse or College Station?
  • Rescuing a girl from a River or a Well
  • Beth Moore: Doctrine Diva
  • A scriptural dissertation proving that single men and women should never pray together
  • A vote for a Democrat = A vote for Hell
  • T-Holla: The Real Slim Shady
  • Flirting: God-style
  • Why Blogger's spellcheck doesn't know how to spell "blog"

Monday, October 02, 2006

For everything else there's...

Bongo Boy had friends over last night. They sat outside on the steps partying for a while. One "friend" spent the night. Don't ask me how I know this...
I walked out the front door this morning and saw the friend's car parked across the street. Wow.