Friday, March 30, 2007

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Don't make me make you blog about me again."

Guy: "Someone has been watching Zoolander."
Me: "I'm glad you caught the reference."
Guy: "I LIVE the reference!"

"Laurie, that's not a love-plan."

"Great Googly Moogly!"

"The thing that bewilders me about me..."

"Bake me something good...with some Laurie-lovin'."

"But I'm Aiken for more."

"I'm glad our church supports pagan fertility rituals."

"That would mean that I understand women in some way and if that were true I don't think I would still be in Paradigm."

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Public Service Announcement

Beware the Man-Eating Goats! Urban legend, you say? Not so, my friend. They are real. They are scary. They are the stuff of nightmares. I'm not kidding.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Quotable Quotes

My new favorite Starbucks quote:

The Way I See It #225

People don't read enough. And what reading we do is cursory, without absorbing the subtleties and nuances that lie deep within -- Wow, you've stopped paying attention, haven't you? People can't even read a coffee cup without drifting off.

~David Shore

Monday, March 26, 2007

Whittling the Wish List

I had to take an item off my wish list. I no longer wish for the Kitchen Aid Mixer because I am now the proud owner of said appliance. But even better than owning the mixer is the method in which I acquired it.

My sincere thanks to a dear group of friends who all chipped in to buy it for me simply because they love me. I was so surprised, touched and overwhelmed by the great love lavished on me by such an incredible group of people. It's not my birthday and there's no special occasion to warrant this gift. Such an extravagant gift was wonderful to receive...and I'm not referring to the mixer. That was special, but the greatest gift is being loved by my "second family" of brothers and sisters in Christ. Thank you, friends. You make my joy complete!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"I still think about how you told me one gets left behind when you roll over at night."

Guy: "Troy, you're so flavorful."
Girl #1: "Like these breasts."
Girl #2: "What's this about Troy's flavorful breasts?"

"I have an environmentally friendly nozzle."

Guy: "I want to ask you something."
Me: "Okay, what is it?"
Guy: " do you feel about clowns?"

"You did not just send me porn."

"Blog about man-eating goats."

"I see your condom argument."

Me: "Can I put that on my blog?"
Friend: "Tell them Tom said it."

"My hopes have suddenly been dashed on the jagged rocks of injustice."

"I'm going to Schlitterbahn in August. I need to work on my Schlitter-body."

"Earth to Laurie!"

"I don't want to let my ladies down."

Man: If I ever did get sexually harassed, with my luck, it would be by a guy."

E-Card: "With Sympathy on Your Break-up...Remember the good when you hit him over the head with your purse. You have my condolences...and you still have Guy #2 and Guy #3."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Looking for sleep in all the wrong places

4:15am comes very early.


I just spilled a little cup of vinaigrette on my desk...and my phone.

A Wise Man Once Said...

"Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
The wise in heart are called discerning,
and pleasant words promote instruction."
~Proverbs 16:20-21

Last night, I was reminded of this verse after a brief conversation with Troy. I was worrying about a particular situation. Troy, in wisdom of heart and discernment, took note of my worry and gently rebuked me for it. He spoke pleasant words, but they were definitely words of instruction. And he meant for me to heed them, and not simply ignore his counsel. The result? I'm trusting God to handle that situation, thanking Him for the blessing of such a friend and rejoicing at the way scripture comes to life through the working of the Holy Spirit.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Beth kindly sent me a blog-worthy suggestion. Reflect-a-Blog...a time to remember what you were blogging about exactly one year ago. On this day in 2006, I was recovering from the best and worst travel experience of my life.

Nothing like beginning at the end. I am about to tell you the story of my trip home from Cuba. Stories from earlier in the week will be forthcoming...but this is what is the most fresh in my mind.

On Sunday, we got up at 3am Cuba time (which would be 1am Houston time) and left the hotel at 3:45am to head to the airport. We checked in and went through customs. A couple of our people were questioned by the authorities. One girl was interrogated by three Communist officials for about 15 minutes, but they finally let her through. Our plane was supposed to take off at 6:40am, so we had some waiting time ahead of us. We finally boarded the plane...and then we just sat there, and sat there, and sat there. Our flight didn't take off until 9am -- two and a half hours after it was supposed to leave. Turns out some guy got pulled off the plane by Cuba customs and they had to unload all the baggage to find his suitcase and then reload everything.

So we're now on our way to Monterrey...where we have to catch our connecting flight to Houston. We land in Mexico and have 45 minutes to catch our flight. Only problem is, we still have to go through immigration! The line is forever long...they finally pulled us out of the line and moved us up to the front so we could get through. By this point we have about 10 minutes. We are literally running through the airport with all our bags trying to get to the Continental ticketing counter. We rush up, out of breath and terrified that we're too late. About 2/3 of our group gets through with boarding pass in hand. Right as I walk up to the ticketing the counter the agent tells me the plane is full -- there's no more room. What the?!?

Turns out Continental got tired of waiting for our group and gave some of our seats away to stand-by passengers. Now mind you, they knew we were in the building. They knew we were being rushed through immigration. They knew it wasn't our fault that we were late. And they knew that we were doing everything we could to get there in time. But they still gave our seats away. So there I am with eight other people from our group, being told we are stuck in Mexico on stand-by for the next flight to Houston.

At this point the rest of our group is boarding and we are working as quickly as we can to write down names and phone numbers of people back home for them to call when they got to Houston. After the flight left and we were alone in the terminal we went to the gate agent and asked what would happen next. He said there were multiple flights heading to Houston...but they were all overbooked. "You're on stand-by, but you're not getting on a flight to Houston today" he said. "In fact, you're probably not getting on a flight until Tuesday." TUESDAY!!! You've got to be kidding! Every airline was overbooked, even flights to Dallas and Atlanta were full.Then the agent told us he had an idea. "There is a 4:30pm flight from Laredo to Houston. There are 16 seats available on that flight, so we can get you all on together." So what's the catch? "Laredo is three hours from'll have to figure out a way to drive there." Oh, and by the way, it's 12pm and the flight leaves in 4 and a half hours!

Next thing we know, all nine of us are loading ourselves and all our suitcases into a van with a Mexican driver and driving through the mountains and across the Mexican countryside for three hours. It took an hour to get across the border (yes, there are trucks with soldiers and machine guns). Then we couldn't find the airport and had to stop to ask for directions. We pulled up to the airport at 4pm, ran inside and the people at the counter said "we've heard about you, we've been waiting for you...come on through." The Laredo flight was delayed by about 30 minutes, so we had just enough time to check our bags, take a restroom break and relax for about 20 minutes before we boarded.

Once we got on the plane I began to get nervous. I was reminded of a dream a friend of mine had about a month ago. In that dream, she and I were traveling together (check), got separated (check), took different flights (check) and my plane crashed and I died (gulp). Needless to say I was praying hard. We were just approaching Houston when we hit turbulence. Now I have experienced turbulence many times and it has never really bothered me...but this was unlike anything I've ever felt. The plane literally dropped into what felt like free-fall. People were screaming and clutching one another. It felt like we were on a roller coaster when you go over the edge and your stomach lurches up into your throat. I truly thought the plane was going to fall from the sky and we were going to crash. It was the most horrible moment of my life. It only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like forever. I wasn't comfortable until the plane landed in Houston and I was standing on the ground.

We were finally home. It took them an hour to get our luggage to us. After all that, we thought they had lost it. Finally by 7:15 I walked out of the Houston airport after more than 17 hours of traveling from Cuba to Mexico, through Mexico, across the U.S. border and ending up in the city that I love. It is good to be home.

More Crickets...?

So here's the deal. Life is hard. No revelation there. When life is hard, blogging is hard. It's not that I don't have things to say. It's just that most of the things I feel like saying aren't what you all are looking for in a QQ blog entry.

So I need all of you to do one of two things: give me funny material to blog about OR give me grace if there aren't any funny blog updates.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Waiter, I think there's a fish in my food

I'm eating my lunch. It's a Lean Cuisine Meatloaf and Whipped Potatoes. According to the product page my meal consists of "hearty meatloaf delicately seasoned with onions and green peppers, in a savory gravy with tomatoes. Accompanied by creamy whipped potatoes and a dash of paprika." According to the product package this meal contains: milk, egg, soy, anchovy and wheat ingredients.

ANCHOVY?? In my meatloaf???? I think this is one recipe I won't be trying to copy at home.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Friday, March 16, 2007

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Broken cars and broken women, that's all I've ever driven."

"Can I taste the vanilla bean? I need to see if it's too beany."

"Are men hotly pursuing you?"

"Sooo...tell me what a real date is like."

"I was off today...running errands for Laurie. I'm her administrative assistant now."

"When you walked in the door I thought 'Look! There's Flamin Larry!'"

"I think I just got rejected by the one I said 'no' to."

"There once was a guy named Dan
who accidentally broke his hand.
He fell in the snow
making quite a big show
And now he's a one-armed man."

Thursday, March 15, 2007

That's That

Well it's all over with Guy #1. We broke it off yesterday. The crazy thing is it all happened over email. He asked me where I stood with Guy #2 and I told him I was still going out with him. In fact, we met for lunch yesterday AND got together last night for coffee and tango! That put Guy #1 over the edge. Not that I blame him. I've had a thing for Guy #2 for a long time. He's been stepping up his game lately, and I've just really wanted to see how things develop. We have a lot of fun together and he really "gets" me. That's got to make it hard for anyone else trying to be in the picture.

I told Guy #1 I was still interested in him and would like to continue going out as long as he knew I would still be going out with Guy #2 as well. But he said he wasn't comfortable with the situation and that if I wasn't willing to drop the other guy then we needed to just end things. So exactly one month and one day after our first date, we broke up. I guess it's not really a break-up since we weren't actually in an exclusive relationship...but it still felt a little sad. I felt bad that he was the one who wanted more commitment and I just wasn't ready. He's really a nice guy and I was genuinely disappointed to see things come to an end.

Hopefully we can still be friends.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

It's the thought that counts

Some friends of mine recently went out of town. When they got back, one of them excitedly told me he bought me a present while he was away. He saw it in the store and it made him think of me. He knew he had to buy it for me, he couldn't pass it up. He hoped I liked it.

This is the package:

Here's a top view:

Here it is after you "step" on it:

And here's one that turned over and died:

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Other Half

What Jeanine didn't show you...
For every princess out there, there is a playa.

Monday, March 12, 2007

An Update

Remember this guy? Well, I had kinda given up on him. We emailed a couple times after that date. He told me he was heading out of town for a few days. And then I didn't hear from him again. That is, until Friday. He emailed me out of the blue and asked me why I was avoiding him. What the?!? ME avoiding HIM?? I calmly replied that I was under the impression that he was the one who had backed away. As we conversed, it became clear we were operating under the eternally classic case of male/female miscommunication. We got on the same page and found we were both still interested in spending time together.

However, in the interim between hearing from him...I went out with another guy. Now, I know there was nothing wrong with this. We weren't exclusive (two dates does not make a relationship!) and I hadn't heard from him in nearly two weeks. But it's not something I would normally do. It's a respect thing. This other guy asked me to dinner...and I really, truly wanted to go. So now I think I might possibly be going out with two guys at the same time. Oh, and a third guy approached me last night and told me he'd like to take me to coffee or dinner some time soon.

It's raining in Houston today. Raining men.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"I've been grazing like I've got the munchies today...either that or a tapeworm."

"What's that on the's your NAIL!"

"Is this a booty call text?"

"It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's a Super Colon!"

"I want to buy you dinner tonight, but there are two strings attached. One is I need to run an errand while we're out. The other attached to the sweater I'm wearing."

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Still Puzzling

Here's what I've got so far:

dijon mustard
maple syrup

I think it just might work.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Tommy Boy

So there's this guy...Tom. I don't know Tom very well. In fact, I have only had one or two actual conversations with him. But I promised him I would blog about him this week. Here goes...

Tom is quiet, but not shy.
Tom has very nice eyelashes.
Tom orders chicken sandwiches at restaurants known for hamburgers.
Tom is a frequent subject of conversation.
Tom is smart.
Tom appears to be funny. Further evaluation is required.
Tom thinks that traveling to other cities and picking up chicks is a good thing.

And that's pretty much all I know about Tom.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Recipe...for disaster?

The friend referenced in the previous post asked me a question last night: could I recreate a particular dish we ate at a restaurant and cook it at home? This has now become a burning question on my mind. I actually spent part of my day trying to come up with a list of possible ingredients. It reminds me of a Seuss line:

"He puzzed and he puzzed, 'til his puzzler was sore."

I'll let you know if I'm successful...and if I need taste-testers.

The best of friends

"A friend loves at all times," Proverbs 17:17a

Sometimes you just need a friend. The best moments are when that friend is right there, just willing to spend time with you for no reason other than refreshing your soul. Thank you, Friend.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel." Proverbs 27:9

Monday, March 05, 2007

Why yes, it IS Monday

I'm really out of it today. I woke up this morning and for some reason my brain was telling me that it was 12:30 in the afternoon! Fortunately, the time was actually 7am...but I didn't realize that until after the heart-pounding, jolt-out-of-bed, gut reaction had already kicked in. After I calmed down, I got ready for the day.

Even though I was awake on time, I ended up running a little late. It wasn't until I had already left and was heading toward my daily assignment that I realized I had left my media credentials back at the house. So I had to turn around and go back for them (I needed them to gain entrance to the HLSR today). Okay, finally on the road.

I was sort of in my own little world and not really paying much attention to where I was going, so it took several minutes for me to realize that instead of heading to the Reliant Center on the 610 Loop, I had exited onto 59 and was heading toward downtown. So I took the scenic route to the rodeo.

Once I got there, I couldn't get in touch with my media contact and ended up wandering around the stock show for about half an hour, looking for the person I wanted to interview.

I am now back at the office and the day is only half over. I'm scared.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

On the subject of a man and his wingman hitting on girls: "They gave away their formation!"

"They came to talk to us about being sex-free."

"Most good poems include refrigerators. If not outright, then at least in the figurative sense."

"Men. Can't live with 'em. Can't make babies without 'em...or pick up really heavy stuff."

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Real and Sappy, or Really Sappy?

This week has been a real challenge to think of stuff to blog about. I already did the cop-out post on Monday. I can't think of anything for today, so I will post a poem.

I dashed this off last night right after taking a walk. It's not "good" poetry and it's nothing original, but it's just how I was feeling after my evening stroll.

Consider the Gloaming

Tiny filaments of matter --
Gossamer is a word too often used in poetry
But I'm no poet -- so tiny gossamer filaments
Floating across my skin in the silver air of twilight
Birds trilling their even-song
With the cicadas singing ten-part harmony
Breeze as soft as a rose petal tickles my hair
And hums to me as I walk through the almost moonlight
Frogs and crickets riff the jazz of the night
Vying for my attention, which is distracted by the soft glow
Of the just unfolding wonder of a pure white flower
If the beauty of it all doesn't make your heart ache
You are lost