Thursday, April 28, 2011

Love in the time of Haiku

Verdant green cool sin
O Creamy Jalapeno
I sink in your depths

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Awkward is as awkward does

What makes awkward moments so awkward? I don't mean embarrassing moments in which you say or do something out of place and feel shame or humiliation over the situation. I mean awkward moments where the social environment is violated in some way. My personal opinion is that my normalcy (relatively speaking) is what makes awkward moments so awkward. I mean, think about it. Do awkward people behave as though they realize they are awkward? No, no they do not. They conduct themselves in a manner that suggests they are blissfully unaware of the havoc they are wreaking on the social fabric around them. They are so accustomed to awkwardness that it doesn't seem awkward to them.

(By the bye, I've typed 'awkward' so much that the word now looks awkward.)

Now lest you become confused, I want to clarify that I am not referring to shy people or those who are merely insecure in certain social situations. They are able to develop skills and strategies to avoid the awkwardness. But we all know someone (at least one!) who is hopelessly awkward. And I believe that awkward person has no idea of his or her own awkwardness. Which means really it's the rest of us who feel awkward around that person....which makes us the awkward ones.

The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind...the answer is blowing in the wind.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter vs Halloween

In a fight between the most sacred and the least sacred holidays on the Western calendar...which would win? Of course, I'm not talking about which holiday is better or more fun or has more purpose. Naturally, if you had to pick between Easter candy and Halloween candy, which would you pick??

My pick would be Easter candy. In my opinion, most of the stuff that you get at Halloween is available year-round. But Easter candy (chocolate bunnies, Cadbury eggs, chocolate-coated marshmallow eggs etc...) is only available at Easter.

So in the epic battle between good and evil, I'd say Easter candy wins.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Father's Day Gift Idea

Maybe you're one of those people who likes to get your gift shopping done early. Or maybe you're the kind of person who has trouble coming up with creative gift ideas. Either way, this salon has a suggestion/solution for you. What better gift for dear old Dad than a little manscaping?

I took this picture myself, so please excuse the glare and reflection in the window of the car passing by behind me.

Now I have nothing against a bit of manscaping here and there. Back hair should probably be removed if it's excessive. Neck hair should be trimmed and maintained. That's all well and good. The part that really concerns me about this particular ad is the area where the "manscaping" is taking place on "dad." It makes me picture the gift exchange around the family dining table.

Um, here Dad. I got you a present. So you can shave's for personal know like to keep things ummm tidy....and ummmm well...I hope you like ummm...Happy Father's Day!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Man to Man...via a woman

I love this website for so many reasons, not least of which is the man in the giant headdress and silver spangly bra who is dispensing advice on how to love a woman. Also, check out Zack, who is today's entry. I'm pretty sure he's going to be my next boyfriend. He acts like a big boy.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Dating in the real world

A couple of weeks ago, I got in a minor car accident (bad). But I got a date out of it (good). When I took my car into the shop, a guy from the rental car company came to pick me up. We chatted and by the time I drove away in my rental, he had my phone number. (Honestly, at that point I thought he was merely interested in the kind of work I do...I didn't realize until later that he was interested in me as well).

Several days later he contacted me and suggested we see each other outside of me renting a car from him. I agreed and we made plans to go out for a drink.

Drinks Night arrived, and so did he, standing awkwardly on my door step ready to commence the general awfulness that is a first date. (Why are they always so awful?) Except this one didn't turn out to be awful after all. It was quite nice, actually. We shared a bottle of wine and talked for nearly three hours. But by about halfway through the evening, a suspicion began taking root in a corner of my mind. The suspicion grew stronger and stronger and finally I couldn't hold it in any longer. So I finally said what I had been thinking..."You know...I'm starting to think I might be quite a bit older than you..." I casually threw out. He looked puzzled and said "Oh really? Maybe. I'm 22."

HA!!! "Yes...yes that confirms it. I'm a LOT older than you."

"Oh. Well it's rather rude for me to ask you how old you are," he remarked. "How large a gap are we talking about?"

"Ummm...well...I'll be 32 in a few weeks," I confessed.

He got quiet. Then he shrugged and said "Well...stranger things have happened." And we went right on with our previous conversation.

And that, my friends, is how I became a cougar.

Friday, April 01, 2011

How NOT to get a job

In this tough economy, people are trying a lot of different strategies to get their foot in the door at whatever establishment they wish to be employed. I can't offer you any tips for how to score the job you really want. But I can tell you how to effectively make sure a company does NOT hire you. As always, my advice comes from actual life events. None of the following is fabricated, although names have been removed to protect the socially awkward.

Earlier this week, a guy showed up at our station and told the receptionist he was interested in getting started in radio. The receptionist called into the newsroom and told one of my coworkers (who handles our intern program) that someone wanted to find out about learning the radio biz. So my coworker went down the hall to talk to him.

This is her account of the story...she realized the man wearing faded jeans, untucked shirt and styrofoam cup of coffee in hand was the person asking for a job. She proceeded to ask him what kind of work he is looking for and he told her he wanted to know if we ever need "voices."

"Voices?" she asked.
"Yea, I can be a 'voice' on the radio. How can I help YOU? What can I do for YOU?" he replied.
"Umm, well we don't really need any voices right now. We have full-time staff on the air," she told him.

At this point, he started talking in a high-pitched fake voice and said "What? You mean you don't need any cartoon voices?" As she tried not to laugh, she politely informed him that we are a news station and we don't really use cartoon voices on our air. But she offered to give him a tour of the station.

When she brought him into the newsroom, I realized it was someone I am casually acquainted with. I just had seen him the night before at a social outing where we talked a bit about radio and now here he was at my office. He acted surprised to see me and said something along the lines of not realizing I worked here at the station. Umm, okay, sure.

We chatted briefly and then my coworker offered to walk him back up to the lobby. When they got to the reception desk, he turned to her and said " you ever like to get a glass of wine on a Friday night?"
She gave him a blank stare and after a long pause said "Um, what do you mean?"
"Well, I guess that's another way of asking if you'd ever want to go out?" he replied.
"I have a boyfriend. But thanks for the invitation," she answered.
"Oh ok. Well would you still want to get a glass of wine sometime just because...?" he persisted.
"I don't think my boyfriend would be okay with that," she said.

And then he left, having hammered the final nail into the coffin of certainty that we will never be calling him up to be one of our "voices."