Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Opera, Interrupted

For many of us, our entire knowledge and experience of opera comes from this.

If Bugs Bunny is all you know of opera, you are better educated than you might realize. Even Rossini would approve. But in the interest of further educating myself, I went to see the actual production of The Barber of Seville at the Houston Grand Opera this weekend. I was sooo excited. The folks at the opera graciously offered me some media tickets and invited me to be their guest at a small reception during intermission.

The evening was going to be perfect. I made plans for my boyfriend, Jerry, to pick me up in time to get dinner before the show. We had a lovely dinner, but it took a tad longer than I thought and we were a bit rushed at the end. No fear, though! The show didn't start until 8pm and we were just minutes away from downtown.

We got to the Wortham Center and parked in the garage. We had just moments to spare. Jerry kept remarking on the fact that there were no other cars in line for parking and no one was walking through the garage. I didn't think much of it.

We got inside and went to Will-Call to get the tickets. It was 7:56. Again, Jerry observed that there was no one in the lobby. "Where are all the people?" he kept asking. "I don't know. I guess they're already inside," I answered.

Well...they were. Everyone was already inside, because the show didn't start at 8pm. It started at 7:30pm. And there's no late seating. We missed the entire first act.

So all I can tell you about the Barber of Seville is that the second act is very funny and we enjoyed it very much. But I didn't see Bugs Bunny anywhere. Maybe he was only in the first act.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Things that are true (for me) about having a boyfriend

  1. I buy more beef than I did before.

  2. I watch more dumb movies than I did before.

  3. I listen to more weird music than I did before.

  4. I have to clean my house more than I did before.

  5. I drive less than I did before.

  6. I use more cell phone minutes than I did before.

  7. I freshen my make-up more than I did before.

  8. I stay up later than I did before.

  9. I have to explain myself more than I did before.

  10. I am happier than I ever was before.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Fear Factor

Fear can be a strong motivator for many of us. Unfortunately, it often motivates us to behave irrationally, make unsound decisions or remain paralyzed in places that simply aren't good for us.

Fear, in other words, can make us pretty stupid.

I know this because I recently went through a break-up based almost entirely on fear. Both myself and the guy I was dating made our decisions based on the unknowns, rather than the facts. We got so caught up in the fear of "what nexts" and "what ifs" that we sabotaged the realities of "right now."

But fear isn't always a profound philosophical quandary. Sometimes fear is a cockroach under your coffee table. You get home in the evening, see something down there under the table, run to get the Raid...and you let your fear empower you to spray that MoFo to oblivion.

It's not until after you have released half the can of Raid that you realize you just annihilated...a piece of fabric. Yes, friends, I Raided a scrap of fibers. I screamed while doing so. Note to self: Turn on all the lights before jumping to conclusions about cockroach invasions.

And maybe turn the emotional light on and take your finger off the fear trigger before you Raid someone's intentions and feelings about you. Maybe the scraps of fabric in your life just need to be picked up off the carpet, rather than poisoned and paralyzed.

Make an effort to let reality be your guide, whether you're facing a relationship or a roach.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

An update and a horror story

I have assembled all the chairs. I have also purchased paint samples to test on the chairs. I went the three-color route, with a combination of teal, magenta and mustard yellow. I'll post pictures once I have something to show.

In other news, the other day someone noticed a large cockroach casually walking through our reception area. This is upsetting for many reasons: One) Because the cockroach was not invited; Two) Because our reception desk is on the third floor inside a closed building and HOW DID THE COCKROACH MAKE IT THAT FAR WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED; and Three) Because cockroaches are vile, repulsive and in every way disgusting.

But that's not the horror story. The true horror was how our receptionist chose to handle this serious security breach.

Step 1: She found a styrofoam cup and a piece of paper
Step 2: She placed the cup over the cockroach and trapped it
Step 3: She slid the paper under the cup and picked up the trapped roach
Step 4: She released the cockroach outside, back into the wild, where it could be free to terrorize other unsuspecting victims

What kind of sicko uses Catch and Release on a cockroach?!? Clearly she and I are philosophically and ideologically opposed in every way that is most important and core to human interaction.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Sniffing Paint Chips

Earlier this year, I bought a dining table that is dark and distressed with flecks and streaks of deep green paint on it here and there. It's made from reclaimed teak from an old barn or boat, so there's little chance of finding the perfect chairs to match.

So instead I opted to buy natural wood chairs and paint them myself. My plan is to paint them in various bold, bright colors to draw out the color scheme in my house. I'm not afraid of using color and really want the overall effect to POP. The picture below is the general concept, although the colors I'm considering are deeper and richer.

But here's what I can't decide. I have six chairs and I want to paint them different colors. Would it look better to paint them six completely different colors? Or would it make more sense to paint them two and two and two? Or, as in the picture above, four and two? Help!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Picking Your Brain

A friend and I were having a conversation today about books and authors and she made the comment that she'd really like to spend a day inside the brain of a particular author in order to discover how someone comes up with a story like the one we just read.

That got me thinking...within whose brain would I choose to spend a day?

My first thought was a guy's brain. I haven't quite figured out which guy. Not anyone I've dated, because I don't want to know what they're thinking (or not thinking at all) about me. Not anyone famous, because obviously their thoughts aren't representative of the male population. Just an average guy. This is how I imagine a day inside a guy's brain would go:

*Wakes up
I have to pee like a horse!

I wonder how horses actually pee? Do they hike a leg up? I should try that.

Mmmm...shampoo...hahaha POO...hahaha I wonder why the word poo is in shampoo...

*Examines self in mirror, does a little naked dance with various parts flopping about
You're a god, an Adonis...look at you...you could be Harrison Ford's twin. The young Harrison Ford...Han Solo era...not Air Force One Harrison Ford. You're not there yet, my boy. But some day...some day...

*Eats breakfast
I love food.

*Goes to work
I hate work.

*Eats lunch
I love food

*Goes back to work
Why don't we have naps at work? There should be naps. And baked goods. Why don't any of the girls around here make baked goods?

*Looks at female coworker
Ohhh boobies...

*Works some more
Boobies...boobies...I love boobies

*Goes home
What this apartment complex needs is a Wing Stop!

Is my day inside a guy's brain overly simplified? Perhaps. Is it roughly accurate? I think, yes. And just to be clear, I mean no offense to the thinking processes of men...I know you all are capable of thoughts at levels higher than an eight-year-old boy. But because this is mostly all I hear guys talk about, it's what I assume yall think about all the time. Which is why I'd really like to spend a day inside a guy's brain...to find out how close my perceptions are to reality.