Friday, April 30, 2010

Laurie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

I promise to get around to Part Two of my series. Look for it on Monday.

This week has been bad. Very, very bad. The kind of bad that doesn't happen very often.

Monday I was called the most horrible, foul names that any man can call a woman. Yes that word. AND that word. And don't forget to throw THAT word in front of them to make them even more powerful.

Tuesday was uneventful, except for the part where I was irrationally emotional and sad. Yay for being a girl!

Wednesday...well...we all know Wednesday is city council day. Nuff said.

Thursday I found out a coworker has a terminal illness and probably only has a few months to live. I also found out bad news about a job situation that left me feeling betrayed, lied to, cheated and disappointed.

Friday I was filling my gas tank and the automatic shut-off on the pump didn't work. Gas gushed out of my car and got all over me. I can still smell the fumes.

Let's hope this trend is a Monday through Friday thing and decides to take off for the weekend.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010

What NOT to Say

Yesterday turned out to be a splendid day for watching guys put their feet directly into their mouths. In fact, there was so much foot-chewing that I'll have to serve this up in a two-part series.

Commence Part One:

The Scene: Singles Mingling After Church
The Characters: Me, My Roommate, Awkward Guy

So picture it, my roommate and I are standing there chatting after church when Awkward Guy approaches. He hovers, awkwardly (it's in his name, he can't help it). He says hello. We say hello. He says, to me, how was your week? I say, was yours? The conversation stalls. Cue more awkward. He turns to my roommate and says "hi, I don't think I know you." She introduces herself. Awkward pause. In desperation, he finally says "I like the stripes on your skirt." She says thanks. Then to completely doom the encounter, he follows up with this doozy:
"I mean, I notice those things because I've had a lot of friends who were girls who took me shopping with them. So I noticed the stripes. But I'm not gay."

Well, thanks for clarifying. The awkwardness is complete.

Tune in tomorrow for Part Two in our series What NOT to Say...

Friday, April 23, 2010

Don't Click!

A few days ago one of my coworkers anxiously asked me if her gmail account had sent me spam. I told her I did notice a spam message from her, but not to worry as I had simply deleted it. She expressed relief and told me that her fear had been heightened after getting an email from her mom about it.

The email said "Hi Honey, thanks for that link you sent me. I had no idea there was such a thing as female viagra."

I'm still chuckling.

Monday, April 19, 2010

One Word

The challenge? Answer each question with just one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? gone
3. Your hair? fabulous!
4. Your mother? sassy
5. Your father? distant
6. Your favorite? what?
7. Your dream last night? unknown
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? family
10. What room you are in? newsroom
11. Your hobby? cooking
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? content
14. Where were you last night? church
15. Something that you are not? shy
16. Muffins? please
17. Wish list item? babies
18. Where you grew up? home
19. Last thing you did? typed
20. What are you wearing? dress
21. Your TV? big
22. Your pets? none
23. Friends? supportive
24. Your life? confusing
25. Your mood? amused
26. Missing someone? intensely
27. Car? MINI!
28. Something you're not wearing? pants
29. Your favorite store? anthro
30. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? today
35. One place that I go to over and over? home
36. One person who texts me regularly? Melody
37. My favorite place to eat? lupe's
38. My favorite food? crawfish

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Yes, You Have My Permission

Recently, I went out dancing with some friends. I was dancing with one of the guys in the group and he asked for some tips on how to be a better "lead" on the dance floor. I told him one of the first things he could do was use a firmer grip on my back to guide me. (Side note: too many guys have "limp hand" when dancing and it's a big pet peeve of mine.) I placed his hand low on my shoulder blade and told him to keep it firmly there.

He tried to follow my instructions, but inevitably his hand would lose grip and drift to the side, leaving me with little guidance through the dance. Finally I looked him in the eye and said "Ok, this may be awkward for you, but I want you to find my bra strap and put your hand on it and keep it there."

He appeared startled at first, but then quickly replied "oh I can do THAT!"

And henceforth the "limp hand" problem was solved.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Overheard in the Newsroom

One of my coworkers was on the cell phone earlier today. I was nearby and could hear every word said on this end of the conversation. I was a little startled when I heard this part of the conversation:

"Oh yeah, I was into that kind of stuff back in '68 and '69. You getting multiple people to give you massages...or resolving conflict with pillow fights. All that 'Encounter Therapy.'"

Um. T.M.I.

Friday, April 09, 2010

OMG Seals!

Ok I realize this is probably not safe and definitely not something you should try at home, but it's quite possibly the cutest thing I've seen all year.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

My own personal nightmare

This is the kind of thing that truly horrifies me. It's like a gigantic, deep-sea cockroach. I may never go in the ocean again.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Thank you, come again!

Wow. I'm averaging a blog update once a week. Remember the days when I blogged Monday through Friday? That was the halcyon age of the QQ. I'm sorry I don't blog more often. But I feel like nothing really amusing or interesting happens to me these days.

Of course, you all must realize that I'm posting today because something amusing or interesting DID happen to me recently. Grab your popcorn, folks. The QQ has a story.

There's this 40-something couple who are friends of mine. They have a couple of pre-teen daughters and the whole family is very fun and funny. I especially enjoy the husband and wife -- both are intelligent, quick-witted and engaging.

The other day I was chatting with the wife about life and love and other eloquent subjects. She started talking about marriage and told me she had decided that if she dies young, she wants her husband to immediately remarry. I asked her why. She said because her daughters need a mother and she doesn't want her husband to grow lonely or become bitter. I affirmed those as good reasons. She said she had even gone so far as to ask one of her friends to encourage her husband to quickly remarry and urge him through the process.

Then she gave me a little glance and said "oh by the way, you're on my list of potential matches for him."

Well...that just got awkward.