Things that made me laugh this week:
"Scream and say you saw a roach. Maybe we'll get a free meal out of it."
"And behold, she spake unto him and said, 'alas.'"
"I could carry you across the threshold, but the construction crew might get the wrong idea."
"All these baseball players on steroids...instead of using cups, now they're using thimbles."
"Todd, you don't want a shag?"
"God's sovereignty is like a string around your neck."
"I'm like a muslim terrorist."