I recently learned about the vast differences between how men and women view bathing. I'm not talking about getting clean, I'm talking about taking a bath. Here's what I learned:
Women and bathing~
When a woman takes a bath, it is a relaxing experience. Certain preparations must take place before stepping into the tub. First, you pour a glass of wine (some of you may skip this step). Next, you run the hot water. My own preference is to make the water as hot as I can stand it. This is relaxing to the body and helps keep the water warm throughout the duration of the bath. While the water is running, some sort of scented bath salts, bubble bath or other additive should be poured into the tub. If you have long hair, now is the time to pin it up. Light a few candles and place them around the tub/bathroom. Grab a rolled up towel or air pillow, along with a novel or magazine. Step into the tub, adjust the pillow, lay back and breathe a deep sigh of relaxation. Commence sipping, reading, breathing in the scented steam and generally luxuriating in the silky water. Try not to doze off. Repeat next week.
Men and bathing~
Men don't take baths. There's a reason for this. Here's what happens when a man takes a bath. First, draw a tubful of hot water. Make it really hot. Get in the tub. Sit there for a while. Don't bring a book with you because it will get wet. Start sweating in the hot water. Get out of the tub and turn down the thermostat. Get back in the tub. Sit there some more. Realize you are hungry. Get out of the tub, go to the kitchen and grab some crackers and cheese. Get back in the tub while munching your snack. Realize there are now cracker crumbs floating in your bathwater. Sit there a little longer. Realize you are thirsty from all the crackers and cheese. Continue to sit in what appears to be your own filth until you can't take it anymore. Get out of the tub feeling dirty, sweaty, thirsty and disgusted. Swear never to take another bath.