Old Timer's Disease

I recently had a severe ear infection that left me temporarily partially deaf in my right ear. I was at home one evening, talking to a friend on the phone. Naturally I held the phone against my left ear so I could hear her side of the conversation. While talking on the phone, I had the water in the kitchen sink running so I could wash some dishes. Nearby, the dryer was also humming along.

I finished up the dishes, turned out the kitchen light and walked into the living room only to notice out of the corner of my eye that there was another person in the house with me! I literally leaped off the ground as I let out a yelp and did a sort of pirouette in the air. As I landed, I started hysterically laughing...the kind of laughing that comes from nerves...as I realized it was my friend Erin who had let herself in with her spare key.

She stood there with a shocked expression and said in a tiny voice "I rang the doorbell. No one answered."

Yeah. I was so deaf I couldn't even hear the doorbell.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who wears a bra is to be praised

I hope this blog entry isn't too much information...I think most of you can handle it.

A couple nights ago I was getting ready for bed, putting on my jammies etc. I skipped downstairs to get a drink of water only to skid to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, turn around and skip right back up again. There was a boy in our house. And I wasn't wearing the proper undergarments to make it feasible for me to greet this boy.

As I raced back up the stairs, he called after me "it's ok, you can come down!"
"No, I can't," I hollered back. "Not the way I am right now."

The next day my roomie told me the boy thought I didn't want to come downstairs because I wasn't wearing any make-up and didn't want him to see me like that. I had to laugh at that...but now I'm worried that he thinks I'm vain! It wasn't about the make-up...it was about the bra!

Such Great Heights

One of my coworkers happened to be in the studio with me for a few moments this afternoon while I was on the air. After I turned off the mic, he started chuckling and said "I never realized how much you wiggle around while you're on the radio."

I was surprised. No one ever pointed that out to me before. But I realized why I do that. It's because I'm so short that I have to raise the chair up high so I can reach all the buttons on the radio console. And that leaves my feet swinging.

Bad Luck and other failures

Last night a friend of mine forwarded a text message to me. She was amused because a high school girl that she knows sent her the following text:

"1boy tomorrow will say hey can i have your number? Or they will ask you out. txt to 10 girls or hav bad luck 2morr0"

Now it's just rather ironic and depressing when high schools girls are worried about your dating status and forwarding chain text messages. But we both got a good laugh out of it...while secretly hoping it didn't really mean bad luck if we don't forward the message on to ten other girls.

I can't help but be worried, though. I just missed my first and only phone call from the Moscow Correspondent. I hope this isn't a sign of more missed connections.

From Our Moscow Bureau

I thought you might enjoy seeing what a typical night out to dinner consists of here in Russia. To be honest, I don't even know what I order (or eat) half of the time. There is no rhyme or reason to my method. I just peruse thru the menu like I know what I'm reading and then point at something that looks appetizing. Often times the waitress will ask me something in Russian during my feeble attempt to place my order and I will respond "Koneshna" which means "of course!" Even though I have no idea what she has asked me.

I've given up on trying to understand anything that is going on in the kitchen or anywhere else in the restaurant. I kid you not; often times the server will bring out the appetizer after everyone has finished their meal. This has happened to me on three different occasions. Like all restaurants in Europe, the service here is HORRIBLE. The thing that I don't understand is why the waiter/waitress tends to bring out everyone's meal one at a time (most of the time the meals come out 15-20 minutes apart). This means that if you are at a table with 3 other people and you are the last to get your meal, you will have probably eaten your napkin and maybe the ashtray (yes they still smoke everywhere) before your meal arrives. Then when your meal finally arrives, the others, having finished their meals while you stared at them with your tail wagging like a starving dog, are looking at their watches ready to go. So you end up scarfing down your food like you haven't eaten in weeks. My guess is that the kitchen only prepares one meal at a time. And it doesn't matter what I order, I'm always the last to get served. However, while the service may suck,the food is delicious (possibly because after waiting an hour the waiter could bring me just about anything on a plate and I would eat it).

Here is what probably happens when the waiter shows up to take my order:

Me (stupid American pointing at something on the menu and then brutally trying to pronounce it): "May I have the pig entrails with a side of cole slaw?"

Waiter: "Would you like your meal served to you after everyone else at the table has eaten and is ready to leave?"

Me: "Of course!"

Waiter (looking at me as though I recently ran off with his wife and stole his entire collection of Waylon Jennings albums): "Very well, I will make sure that your meal is delivered to you sometime between now and the second coming of Christ. In the meantime, please enjoy some second hand smoke."

~The Moscow Correspondent

Friends Don't Let Friends...

Last night I was leaving a friend's house quite late and headed to the complex exit. Another driver was ahead of me at the gate, waiting for it to open but she had pulled a little too far to the side and didn't trigger the gate mechanism.

So she backed up a bit, swerved to the left and pulled forward...straight into the gate.

She backed up again, put the car in park and stepped out of her vehicle wearing one white high heel. She hobbled up to the gate, checked the front of her car, hobbled back to the driver's seat and drove off...weaving across the lanes.

Wonderings

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

Am I the only one who finds these commercials disturbing? I mean besides the obvious homosexual connotations to this one (others include soaking in the bowl of warm milk and giving "good games" to each other), there's the whole weird aspect of cute little shredded mini wheats chatting it up with each other and with your kids...right before being DEVOURED. The whole point is how these little guys are supposed to keep your kids focused and full...so why exactly are we anthropomorphizing the suckers before we offer them up on the sacrificial altar of feasting? Freaks me out every time I think about it. Ok, carry on.

Ice Ice Baby

Last night I was at a restaurant with a large group of friends, celebrating a birthday party. Toward the end of the meal, I placed my purse on the chair next to me in order to rummage for my credit card. I left the purse sitting there for a few moments.

Meanwhile, a friend moved down to my end of the table to chat for a bit. As she was talking, she accidentally knocked over a nearly full glass of ice water. Fortunately none of it got on us. Unfortunately all of it went straight into my purse.

I mean seriously, I think my purse caught every last drop. I was fishing ice cubes out of there for the next five minutes. You don't realize how much stuff you have in there until it's all submerged in ice water.

You Like Me, You Really Like Me!

It's amazing how many people I hear from when I stop blogging for a while. None of you comment on the blog when things are going strong and you're getting plenty of material. But I take one measly week of vacation and suddenly people are clamoring for some QQ love!

Well it's nice to know I was missed. And the fact that David Skipper commented on my blog launches the QQ to new heights.

I wish I had some really great stories for you. I spent the past week being a bum. I slept in nearly every day. I read, watched TV, went to a couple museums, hung out with friends, stayed up until all hours of the night on FB, ate crawfish, laughed, cried, and marveled at God's goodness and infinite mercy.

I know you're all hoping for something funny or scandalous. I'll try to do better tomorrow. For now, it'll have to be enough that I'm back.

xoxo,
~LJ

Things You Should NEVER Say

"You know you are getting older...I worry...I mean have you ever considered artificial insemination to have children before it's too late?"

That's my dad.

Tables Turned

I just got back from a work event at the Discovery Green Park. I rode with two of my married, male coworkers. They spent the entire car ride discussing home decorating.

Hangovers, Wardrobe Malfunctions and other unfortunate events

I feel seriously messed up today. Yesterday afternoon my right ear started feeling odd and within a few hours I had a full-blown ear infection with excruciating pain. I cried all the way home and rushed inside to take some heavy-duty pain meds and curled into the fetal position on my bed. By 9pm my eardrum ruptured. If you've never experienced this sensation the best way to describe it is a moment of agony followed by a moment of ecstasy.

I spent the night stoned on medication but unable to get restful sleep because of the various ear infection side effects.

Got up this morning and felt like a zombie. Now I'm lightheaded. I can't tell if it's the residual effects of the pain meds, the lack of sleep or the lack of equilibrium from my damaged ear.
I'm pretty sure I've said some loopy stuff to coworkers and friends today. Should be interesting being on the air this afternoon.

Oh, and just now a button fell off my dress.

Philosophy

Is it better to have blogged and failed than never to have blogged at all?

It Happened AGAIN!

Most people who decide to avoid the gym do so because they just don't feel like working out. That's not what my problem is. Instead, I may decide to avoid the gym because I keep running into cute guys there when I am looking my worst.

Last night I was walking up to the entrance in some of my sloppiest workout clothes after a long day at work. As I approach the door I glance up and think oh NO! There is Mr. Dreamy himself, walking up at the same time as I am. He glances over and this huge, gorgeous smile spreads across his face and he says "HEY! Awesome! I NEVER come here on Monday nights...what a coincidence!" Of course he would pick THIS Monday night to be here.
I tried to be especially vivacious, hoping it would distract him from how awful I looked. I'm pretty sure it didn't work. Sigh.

Oh the perils of being a single girl.

I Survived!

I won the fitness challenge! I worked out every single day in February! I get $30 for my effort! I've used too many exclamation points!

By the way, the name 'Laurie' means Victorious One. I'm just sayin'...