Project Patio Update

I have discovered a drawback to Project Patio. Various creatures begin to think you are creating a new habitat just for them. I'm not afraid of lizards, but there's something a little bit creepy about reaching out to grab the doorhandle and realizing you nearly grabbed a lizard instead. I used the flash so he would show up in the picture, but it was actually very dark out there and I didn't see him until it was almost too late.

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"When I get old and lose all my teeth, will you come over and chew my food for me?"

"I was my mom's moist little birthday present."

Guy on the subject of boxer-briefs:
"A noble attempt, but you always lose something with a hybrid."

"There is a Laurie Johnson on Ellen right now and she is black. Coincidence? I think not."

Guy: "Um, this will be my version of the brazilian wax."

Me:
"I think I am going to re-name my garden 'Project Patio.'"
Friends:
"Then we can call it PP for short!"
"Yeah! We can say things like 'how is your PP, Laurie?'"
"Oh! How about 'Have you seen Laurie's PP lately?'"

"To hell with legalism. Let's booze it up."

"Be careful, or I will break a slate over your head."

More Flowers

Flowers again this week. I feel very loved.

Two Thoughts

There's something sort of romantic about drinking hot tea.
The romance is lost when you're drinking it out of a styrofoam cup.

From bad to worse

I'm getting sick.

Whew

Aren't we supposed to get rest on the weekends? Sigh.

My weekend was supposed to look like this:

Friday: Get off early and drive to Gruene, TX for a girls' weekend with my mom, gramma and aunt.

Saturday: Spend the day shopping and being touristy, then drive to Austin for a journalism awards banquet.

Sunday: Drive back to Houston and celebrate my birthday with a few friends.

My weekend actually looked like this:

Friday: Go to work at 8am to cover a soldier's memorial service. Wrap up that story and prepare to leave the office when we get the alert of a gunman on campus at the Johnson Space Center. Drive to JSC and report live from the scene for the next six hours. Leave JSC at 9pm, head back to the station and file reports for the national news desk and write a version for use the next morning. Leave the office at 10:30pm. Get a call from my mom telling me my pawpaw fell down and broke his hip.

Saturday: Leave my house at 7:30 to go to hospital. Sit with my pawpaw for five hours, waiting for other family members to show up from out of town. Drive back home and eat food for the first time in about 17 hours. Crash in bed and nap for an hour. Get up, shower and join others for dinner. Drive back out to Katy to visit pawpaw and spend the night with my family.

Sunday: Get up at 5:30, shower, pack and head to the hospital in time for the 7am surgery. Sit at hospital for five hours. Visit pawpaw in ICU after the surgery. Go to lunch with family. Drive home and get ready for church. Go to church. Go home and cry. A lot.

I think I got an average of five hours of sleep each night, along with an unhealthy dose of stress and emotional fatigue. My body aches today and all I want to do is go home and hide in my bed under the blanket. But instead, I get to work late tonight. Yay.

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Way to go, Bulldog."

"By the way, I found my underwear."

"I'm a retorter, you're a reporter."

Him: "I was really frustrated because she was trying to tell me how to do my job."
Me: "So you didn't like that she was giving you lip?"
Him: "Well, let's not get carried away. I am still a man, after all."

"You should hide a message in a code on your blog. See if he finds it."

"Have fun at small groups...talking about whichever guy is the flavor of the week."

"This could be our chance to beat the crap out of a teenage kid, just like we've always dreamed of doing."

My Day Off

I took the day off. Here's what my day off will look like:

5:15am-Alarm goes off.
6:00am-Leave my house.
6:20am-Arrive at friend's house. Proceed to cook breakfast.
7:00am-Friend comes downstairs to find me cooking in the kitchen. Friend is quite surprised and very pleased.
7:15am-Eat breakfast with one surprised friend and one friend who was in on it all along.
8:30am-Clean up the kitchen and head home.
9:00am-Laundry.
10:30am-Get eyebrows waxed.
10:45am-Grocery shopping.
11:30am-Unload groceries. More laundry. Fix a light lunch.
11:45am-Blog.
12:15pm-Nap.
2:15pm-Make phone calls relating to personal business matters.
2:45pm-Write list of class-related items for discussion.
3:00pm-Clean bathroom.
3:30pm-Wash sheets.
4:00pm-Check mail. Go for a short walk.
4:30pm-Start preparing dinner for another friend.
5:45pm-Friend arrives for dinner.
6:00pm-Eat dinner with friend.
7:15pm-Leave my house.
7:35pm-Arrive at home teams.
10:00pm-Return home. Pack for weekend trip.
Midnight-Go to bed.

Warm Fuzzies

There's something about getting flowers that just makes me melt.

Project Greenspace

Remember the project I mentioned the other day? Right now, we have a covered patio with a bare brick floor and wood panel walls. I want to transform it into a lovely garden wonderland. I envision a space filled with plants, rocks, twinkle lights, candles, a seating area and perhaps a water feature. Here are pictures of what it looks like now.

Out for a Stroll

I was walking downtown the other day and ran into an old friend.

Friday Funnies

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Spring smells good. It's like God took the whole season out of the dryer and shook it."

"Laurie Goo. My favorite."

Me: "Don't get your panties in a wad."
Him: "Actually, I'm not wearing any."

"We have HR now. No more sexual harassment or anything fun like that."

"I do not like coconut in my pies or cookies. I will not eat it with flies or wookies."

"We're living in the state of big-haired, big-boobed blondes cooked in the sun over-easy."

"The Word of God is sexy on him."

"Giving me my own radio show would be like giving an atomic bomb to Kim Jong-il."

Visions of Grandeur

I'm brainstorming a new project. I'm all kinds of excited about it. The only person I've shared the details with is Troy. I've been annoying him with internet links on the subject and asking his opinion about various elements. He offers insightful comments like "that's nice" or "I think that would be lovely" or "interesting." He's loads of help. But I digress...

The next step is to take things offline and get my hands dirty. I'll need to talk with some experts to find out exactly how I should move forward. This project could get expensive fairly quickly, so I'll need to set a budget. I hope to document the whole thing here on my blog. It should be riveting. My goal is to start on Sunday. Stay tuned.

Lunch and a Show

There's this story I've been wanting to blog about all week, but I just don't know where to even start. A friend of mine alluded to it on her blog. She left it up to me to elaborate.
Oh Mommy.

It started out with one white girl and one black girl going on an adventure in soul-food. (I was the white girl, in case anyone was wondering.) We thought it was going to be an afternoon of fried catfish, smothered pork chops and sweet potato pie.

It turned out to be afternoon filled with stories about a 6'7" drag queen named Lou-Lou who wanted to have a baby and who was told there was no way in H-E-Double-hockey-sticks he was ever going to be able to squeeze a baby out his you-know-what. Except those weren't the words used. The real words were used. Along with another word that starts with "mother" and rhymes with "trucker" but doesn't have much to do with parenting.

Did I mention we were the only two people in the restaurant? We were considered the "audience" and were given quite a show. It was like having tickets to the theatre. Except it was at less than half the price...and it was the R-rated version.

Aim High

I added an item to my wish list. I figured since my amazing friends came through for me with the mixer, I might as well throw another hint out there. You never know when your wishes may come true. ;)

Good and Bad

Good: I ordered a grande latte at Starbucks. The barista gave me a wink and a smile and said he "accidentally" made me a venti instead.

Bad: I dropped my contact lens in the sink and rinsed it down the drain.

Friday Funnies (on Saturday)

Things that made me laugh this week:

"Girls are usually the ones accused of manipulating, but I do it as well. That's why it's called MANipulation."

"I woke up this morning...to the sound of your voice."

"I've developed a whole new sin."

"What I need is the love of a good woman."

"I touched your boob with the love of the Lord."

"You can be my hood ornament any time."

"These cushions we're rubbing our butts on are really expensive."

"At least I know someone is attracted to me...he's a middle-aged homeless man...but at least it's something."

"I think you have reached the point of humor self-actualization."

"I want to make several jokes about Satan having your phone number, but none of them are even close to being in good taste."

"Scientists tell us we only use 5% of our brains. But if they only used 5% of their brains to reach that conclusion, then why should we believe them?"

Tragedy! Horror! Disaster!

I left my notes for the FFs at work. Tune in tomorrow.

Mail Call

I got a letter in the mail yesterday. It was addressed to me, with no return address. On the back, someone wrote "Photos Enclosed. Do Not Bend." The envelope looked like someone had put it through the washer and dryer before mailing it. There was nothing inside.

Weird Day

That's all.

Hollywood...glamour

I had a movie-moment last night.

Most of us have pictured ourselves in that perfect movie scene. For the girls, it's that moment when the man she loves finally comes to his senses and realizes that yes, he IS actually madly in love her, then he pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

For the guys...well I don't know what movie-moment guys want to be in. I'm guessing it's the one where the hero commandeers the spaceship and then proceeds to dismantle the bomb just seconds before it goes off, while simultaneously fending off a half-dozen martial-arts experts while also exchanging witty innuendo with the amazingly hot and scantily-clad female sidekick. But that's just a guess.

Naturally my movie-moment would fall more along the lines of slapstick than romantic comedy. No Hollywood-sweep-her-off-her-feet kisses for me. No such luck. Instead, picture to yourself the lovable but doomed heroine who stands near the street, waiting for Mr. Right to come around the corner. She pauses for just a moment, and in that split-second...a car comes zooming by and splashes a gigantic puddle all over her.

Yes. That happened to me. No. You can't make this stuff up.

Gasp!

This may be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. You must watch all the way to the end to understand what I mean.