Things that made me laugh this week:
"Girls are usually the ones accused of manipulating, but I do it as well. That's why it's called MANipulation."
"I woke up this morning...to the sound of your voice."
"I've developed a whole new sin."
"What I need is the love of a good woman."
"I touched your boob with the love of the Lord."
"You can be my hood ornament any time."
"These cushions we're rubbing our butts on are really expensive."
"At least I know someone is attracted to me...he's a middle-aged homeless man...but at least it's something."
"I think you have reached the point of humor self-actualization."
"I want to make several jokes about Satan having your phone number, but none of them are even close to being in good taste."
"Scientists tell us we only use 5% of our brains. But if they only used 5% of their brains to reach that conclusion, then why should we believe them?"
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