No greater love than this...

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane --
I am a tree...bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

Oh how He loves us, oh.
Oh how He loves us.
How He loves us, oh.

Yeah He loves us! O how He loves us!
O how He loves us!
O how He loves!

We are His portion and He is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking!

Heaven meets Earth like an unforseen kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that...

He loves us! O how He loves us! O how He loves us! O how He loves!

Hoodwinked

I promise the dating blogs are forthcoming. I just haven't had the time to dedicate to them as yet. Hopefully this week I'll start the series. In the meantime, a tidbit from today.

I had a couple pairs of pants that needed alterations, so I took them to a little alterations shop on W. Gray. Mr. Sung was the tailor in charge and proceeded to measure, tuck and pin the two pairs of pants I brought in. He told me when they would be ready and I asked him if I should pay now or when I pick them up. He said either way was fine, so I opted to pay in advance.

"How much?" I asked.
"One hundred dolla," he replied, without blinking an eye.
"Excuse me?! One hundred dollars?! To hem some pants??"
"Well, one hundred dolla for this pair and one hundred dolla for other pair. Two hundred dolla together."

Then he started chuckling. Oh I see we've got a pranster on our hands. Well played, Mr. Sung. Well played.

The Dating Game

I'm thinking about writing a blog series on dating. I'd be writing from a single girl's perspective, which means most of my experience is of the DON'T DO THIS variety. A lot of my advice is for guys because, let's face it, you guys are kinda running the show a lot of the time (even when the show seems to be cancelled or taking a long hiatus).

My only concerns are people getting ticked off or having their feelings hurt. Most of my readers are single, so it's an issue that is near and dear to our hearts. Because it's a sensitive subject, I don't want people to get their panties in a wad if my opinions don't exactly jive with theirs. And I'd want folks to remember these are, in fact, my OPINIONS. It's not the dating gospel, just the dating suggestion box.

So, what do QQ readers think? Can you handle it? Are you ok if some feathers get ruffled? Will you agree not to take anything I say TOO seriously, but to give it consideration and thought? Will you pledge to forward my dating series to "repeat dating offenders"? Ok, you don't have to pledge to do that...but at least you have the option. Consider it my gift to all you passive-aggressive types out there who want to seize the opportunity.

Thoughts?

I'm all right, don't I always seem to be?
Aren't I swinging on the stars?
Don't I wear them on my sleeve?
When you're looking for a crossroads,
it happens every day.
And whichever way you turn,
I'm gonna turn the other way.

Say it's over, say I'm dreaming,
Say I'm better than you left me.
Say you're sorry, I can take it.
Say you'll wait, say you won't.
Say you love me, say you don't.
I can make my own mistakes...
and learn to let it bend before it breaks.

~Brandi Carlile

There's a fungus among us

I'm about to bring up a polarizing subject. This is something that will probably have my readers divided into very vocal and opposing camps. I am referring, of course, to mushrooms.

Mushrooms might be my most favoritest vegetable-that's-not-really-a-vegetable. I like raw mushrooms. I like sauteed mushrooms. I like them in soup. I like them in salad. I like them on my chicken. I like them on my beef. I like them on my body (ok that just got weird. I was rolling with the Dr. Seuss thing a little too long.)

I like big mushrooms and I cannot lie. Them other brothas can't deny...ahem. Sorry. I got sidetracked again.

Today, I was eating the leftovers of a pretty darn impressive stirfry that I made last night. It had chicken and fresh green beans and MUSHROOMS and my first thought was "Dear Lean Cuisine, why do I let you do all the cooking when I'm so much better at it than you are?"

My second thought was "I luv u, little mushroom. I luv u so mush."

Awkwardly Hilarious

This sort of changes how I feel about Star Wars. And how I feel about birth announcements. Sometimes less is more. But less wouldn't be nearly as funny.

Because you can never have too many blog entries about boobs...

In case you missed it the first time around, you might want to read this entry before you move on to the rest of my story.

Ok, we all on the same page? mk, then.

A text conversation. From a guy to me.

Text from him: I just saw a bumper sticker that goes with the "boobs rock" shirt. It said "I love my tatas." It made me laugh. :)

Text from me: lol. I love that this is becoming a running joke.

Text from him: And that I thought of you?

Text from me: Well...that goes with the territory.

What NOT to Say: Part Two

I'm finally getting around to sharing the second part in our series on men saying exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong moment. You may want to refresh your memory on Part One, starring Awkward Guy.

That very same night I was at dinner with some friends. Two guys were sitting across from me at the table and we were all chatting about various subjects. In the middle of one conversation, one of the guys stopped, looked at my necklace and said "LJ, what exactly is that?" Ummm...it's a necklace, I pointed out. Now granted, it was an elaborate necklace with a ribbon rosette and asymmetrical style. "Some people would call it a 'statement' necklace," I elaborated. The second guy chimed in "what statement is it supposed to be making?"

"It's saying I'm fabulous," I quickly replied.
"No, it's not saying that," he said, without a pause.

Excuse me? I'd like to take this opportunity to make a Public Service Announcement. Any time a lady makes a reference about her fabulousness, DON'T REFUTE HER! Isn't this somewhere in the How to Talk to Ladies Manual or something?

Ok...back to my story. I'm pretty sure the look on my face communicated exactly how foolish his statement had been. But just in case, I followed up with a "are you sure that's really what you meant to say?"

"No...no...I meant that you don't NEED a necklace to prove how fabulous you are. The necklace doesn't define you. I mean it's not about the necklace..." he fumbled.

Uh huh.

Now this is the point at which the first guy could have really saved the day and make himself look really good at the same time. How many of you think he pulled it off? Any takers? I didn't think so.

"I think your necklace is...interesting," he said.

Wow. That's a fantastic compliment, if ever I heard one. It's like I'm wearing a science experiment. Interesting.

Now I will say these two guys did make a good effort at redeeming themselves. I pointed out to them the amazing cluelessness of their comments to me and the fact that they needed some serious help in how to compliment a lady. At which point, the first guy amended his statement to say "I think your necklace is lovely" and the second guy jumped in with "No, Laurie. YOU are lovely."

I think it's time for me to put on a workshop. If you need as much help as these two guys, sign up here. Ladies, feel free to submit applications on behalf of any men you know who need serious intervention.

Most Random Email Ever

I got this email last week from a complete stranger. At first I thought it was spam, but then realized it was genuine.

"Laurie,

I think we're just going to go ahead and rent a costume for you. Something very gypsy-looking. We have already ordered you a long black wig to wear under the turban."

He then proceeded to ask me for my exact measurements...height/weight/dress size/bust/waist/hips etc...

The whole thing really REALLY makes me want to know what role I'm playing...