Wow. Just...Wow.

Advertising Fail

I have a sudden craving for orange juice. I think it's because I just glanced up at the TV screen above me in the newsroom and saw a woman chugging from a giant jug of orange juice. Ironically, the commercial was instructing me not to bother with such antiquated ways of boosting one's immune system.

Instead, I'm supposed to crave Airborne.

Mmmm, a refreshing glass of Airborne....

Nope. It's not working. I still want orange juice.

Going to the Chapel...and we're...hoping to get married

Four of my girlfriends got engaged last weekend. Four. That's a lot. I'm very delighted for all of them. Truly. But as a single girl, it's hard not to feel a bit sad at the same time. All sorts of thoughts go through my mind, most of them along the lines of "will it ever happen for me?"

Warning: Don't tell your married friends that you feel this way. They mean well, but they usually respond with something along the lines of "enjoy being single. Marriage is harder than you realize" or the always encouraging "there's someone out there for you"...etc etc.

Saying that to a single person is sort of like eating a big piece of fudge in front of your friend who is on a diet and telling her that it's not as good as it looks and she should be grateful she's on a diet. I'm not saying the diet isn't beneficial. It is. But that's little consolation when what she really wants and absolutely cannot have is a piece of fudge.

Even on a diet, it's possible to indulge now and then in a taste of fudge. But for single men and women, there is no way to enjoy marriage without being married. It's something that is absolutely impossible for us to experience until and unless we get married some day. In the meantime, it's unattainable.

Please note, I'm not addressing this to any particular married friend. It's just a trend I've observed in the responses I get from married people when the issue of singleness arises. There seems to be an assumption that because you got married and realized an end to your singlehood, then all your single friends will do the same. I know you mean well. And I know that marriage is much harder than single people can ever understand because we're...well...not married.

If you're married, it can be easy to forget the loneliness and heartache that often comes with singleness. The best kind of "consolation" you can offer is simply to listen to your friend who is hurting or who feels forgotten or overlooked. Love them. Hug them. Tell them you remember what it felt like and you are praying for them. Or, tell them you don't remember what it felt like because you got married at a young age, but you are praying for them. Don't try to minimize their singleness or offer empty platitudes about marital status and future.

Just be a friend. A married friend.

Trick or Treat!

This is funny. And includes some interesting costume ideas.

Things I want to do (in no particular order)

Some of these are things I've done before and want to do again. Others are things I've never done. Either way, these are the things on my mind that I really want to do. Soon.

• Take a nap under a tree
• Visit NYC around Christmas
• Bake a pie
• Read A Tale of Two Cities
• Watch Inception
• Walk through crunchy leaves
• See a play
• Get a new haircut
• Buy a fancy dress
• Cook soup
• Throw a dinner party
• Throw a breakfast party
• Pull a prank

Overheard in Houston

I was walking down the street past City Hall today, and passed by two men who appeared to be homeless or at least down on their luck. I really REALLY wish I could have heard the beginning or the end of their conversation. As it was I only heard this one snippet:

One man to the other: "You're a good-looking guy. You really are. Remember that, just remember how good-looking you are."

I can't say I agree with him, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Important Women's Health Issue - Please Read

*Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
*Do you suffer from shyness?
*Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
*Do you suffer from exhaustion from the day to day grind?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that keep you from living the life you want to have.

Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone. Women who are nursing or pregnant should not use Margaritas. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
-Dizziness
-Nausea
-Vomiting
-Incarceration
-Lustfulness
-Loss of motor control
-Loss of clothing
-Loss of money
-Loss of virginity
-Table Dancing
-Headache
-Dehydration
-Dry mouth
-And a desire to sing Karaoke

My Big Fat Cajun Family

We all have crazy families, but I'm pretty sure mine is still one of the best when it comes to making me cringe in public. You know how teenagers act when their parents do something uncool? That's how I feel, to about the Nth power, when my family is out of control in the public realm.

Case in point: We had a family birthday last weekend and celebrated by having a picnic at the park. As we were finishing our meal, another family started to set up nearby. The grampa in their group walked by our table and said "Bon Appetit!" My dad responded enthusiastically with the reply "Oh thanks! We've already boned our petite."

Facepalm.

Sometimes I wish I was Jewish, so I could say "oi" and really mean it.

There must have been a look of utter horror on my face, because my mom turned to me with her lips pursed and pointedly said to me "When you lived in MY house you wouldn't have known what that word even meant!"

That was a decade ago, Mom. And I knew what it meant, even then. I just pretended to be naive because I didn't want to discuss euphemisms with my parents. Forgive me.

Being Watched

As if Facebook and Twitter aren't enough for stalking, my Starbucks barista has apparently started keeping track of me as well.
Oh it all started innocently enough...I hadn't gone into the shop for a few weeks, so when I finally showed up the guy said "Hey, I haven't seen you in awhile. I was wondering what happened to you."

The next time I went in, he saw me at the counter and quickly said "so, will it be the grande non-fat no-whip mocha?" Now I know it's common for the baristas to memorize what people order, but keep in mind, I only visit Starbucks once a week. Not every day.

Last week, I went in on a particularly busy day. By the time I got to the counter, he had already prepared my drink and had it waiting for me...accompanied by the comment "I saw you come in and noticed you're running a bit late today, so I've got your drink ready."

What will this week bring? I'm fully expecting him to ask how my family lunch went this weekend and whether I enjoyed my time at the park. He's...watching...

In case you missed it...the history of rap