Hold, Please

The other day I walked into the ladies room at my office. Someone was in the stall next to me, quite obviously talking on a cell phone. After a few seconds I could tell it was our intern and she was talking to her mom. "Ok," I thought to myself, "talking on your cell in the office restroom is really not an appropriate thing to do, but at least it's just your mom."

Right then she said "Hang on Mom...Dad is calling on the other line."

Fair or Foul?

I frequently store snacks in the office fridge -- things like carrots, hummus, grapes etc. Last week, I put a package of Jello pudding cups in there. That was my first mistake. Never put something in the company fridge that someone else might want to snack on. Fruits and vegetables are usually safe (although I did have some carrots stolen once) and hummus is the safest of all (no one is tempted to dip into someone else's beige paste-like goo). But pudding cups...well...that's a different story. Despite the fact that they were sugar-free and low-calorie, they proved to be too much of a temptation for someone.

So I wasn't terribly surprised when one was missing from the package yesterday. I was surprised, however, to find a dollar bill tucked into the package in place of the missing pudding cup.

Apparently at least one office thief has a guilty conscience.

So what say you? Is it fair to swipe someone's pudding cup as long as you leave compensation? Or is it foul to take what isn't yours and just throw money at the problem?

The Dating Game: Thanks, But No Thanks

Let's talk about rejection. Since the first entry in my dating series was primarily for the guys, I thought it would be a good idea to address the girls this time.

Rejection is not fun, no matter which side of it you're on. Men don't like to be rejected and women don't like to do the rejecting. It's unpleasant and uncomfortable for everyone involved. That said, there are some guidelines for how to make it easier and less painful.

I talked to a couple of trusted guy friends and asked them specifically if they're going to be turned down, how they would like that to play out. This entry is based directly on their feedback. These guidelines are formed on the presumption that you are rejecting a first date or rejecting someone after a handful of dates...not rejection in a long-term relationship.

Before we get into the nitty gritty...ask yourself this question: Why am I rejecting this guy?

Is it because you have a crush on someone else? That's probably not a valid reason. Is it because you just don't think you're all that attracted to him? Consider giving him a chance. You might be surprised how quickly attraction can develop when you get to know him a little better. There are valid reasons for rejecting someone...but be sure to examine your motives when doing so.
Are you going to regret rejecting him in 6 months or a year? If so, don't reject him, you may not get him back.

Ok, let's talk about what NOT to do. Girls, we have a hard time with wanting to let a guy down easy...we don't want to be mean or rude or dismissive...so we tend to make some of the following mistakes. DON'T!

• DON'T tell him that God is telling you not to date right now. God is probably not telling you not to date, and even if He is your date does not need to know this.
• DON'T tell him that you prayed about it. Chances are you have not actually prayed about dating this guy, and even if you have your date does not need to know this.
  
• DON'T tell him that if your feelings change you will let him know.
• DON'T flirt with him.
• DON'T ignore him when you run into him. It's rude, and will cause him to lose respect for you.
• DON'T tell him you want to be friends. He is pursuing you, he is not just a friend and does not want to be "just friends" right now.
• DON'T tell him that you hate rejecting guys. It sounds prideful, as though he is one of a long list of men pursuing you.
• DON'T tell him "you are a nice or great guy, but...". Guys hate hearing this.
• DON'T try to encourage him about his life/personality/ministry etc. Allow others to build him up, your job is to leave him alone.
• DO be careful about telling him the things you like about him. He will wonder why you are rejecting him.
  

Now for the right way to reject a guy:
If the rejection is for a first date...

• DO thank him for asking you out.
• DO decline the offer.
• That is all that is required

If the rejection is after a few dates...

• DO thank him for taking the time to get to know you.
• DO tell him that you have enjoyed getting to know him.
• DO tell him that you do not want to be in a relationship with him right now.
• DO answer any questions he asks you truthfully, but try to stick to all the previous guidelines.
• That is all that is required.

I know this sounds incredibly blunt, straightforward and simple to reject someone this way...but guess what Ladies, MEN PREFER STRAIGHTFORWARD! They want a simple answer that is honest, respectful and uncomplicated. Let's do our part to make rejection as painless as possible for them.

Something to tide you over...

The Dating Game: Let the blogs begin!

Let's get our feet wet a bit before we jump into the deep end. Today, our topic is How to Compliment a Lady.

I think one of the best ways to start this conversation is by pointing out what NOT to do. Please read this post for an illustration of the wrong way to give a compliment. Ok men, now that you know what NOT to do, you're probably wondering what the heck you should do instead. You may be thinking "what's wrong with telling a girl her necklace is interesting??!" Well, my romance-challenged friends, there is nothing wrong with saying that to a girl. But it won't woo her and it probably won't even make her feel all that special or even encouraged. So here's my list of pointers for how to say something nice to a girl.*

1. Use "Pretty" Words - "Your dress is pretty." "Your new hair cut is really nice." "The cookies you made are delicious." This seems like a simple concept, but I think it's lost on a lot of men. Words like "interesting," "cool," and "awesome" all have their place in conversation. But they are guy words when it comes to compliments. Girls feel much more appreciated and special when you use pretty words.
2. Be Sincere - Mean what you say and say what you mean. Girls can tell when you're just using a line.
   
3. Be Specific - Women appreciate it when you notice the details. Some of the best compliments go beyond the obvious. Every woman loves to hear that she is beautiful. But it is even greater to hear specifically WHY you think she is beautiful. Examples: "LJ, I love how green your eyes are." "Your smile is beautiful." "It was really great to see the way you helped at XYZ event. I was impressed by how compassionate you are."
   
4. Move On - Make the compliment, let her respond, and then move on to other topics. It tends to make girls feel a teeny bit creeped out when a guy says something like "I really like your dress" and then just stands there looking at her in the dress. Or if you say "Wow, I love it when you fix your hair that way" and then stare at her hair...well you get the idea. All I'm saying is don't get bogged down in the compliment and stay there. Keep the conversation moving.

These guidelines should work in all compliment scenarios, whether talking to a friend, potential date, girlfriend, sister, mom etc. The guidelines change a bit if you're already in a relationship with someone. For example, #4 doesn't really apply when you're complimenting your girlfriend because you're allowed to stare at her a bit without creeping her out. But in general, you can use these in all circumstances. I suggest printing them out and studying them in your spare time. Perhaps if you've run out of bathroom reading material and you're tired of reading the back of the shampoo bottle...you could keep a copy of this handy. Just an idea...

OH! One more thought...Men, please be aware that we girls realize sometimes you get tongue-tied. It's ok if you don't get every compliment just right. In fact, it can even be endearing to see you bumble and fumble your way through a compliment. But we do like to hear nice things and be appreciated, so I offer my list for your perusal and insight. That's why I call these "guidelines" and not "rules."


*Note: It's ok to compliment a girl, even if you're not trying to woo her. Kind words don't have to equal flirting.