Where do you want me to put your butter?

I had some friends over for dinner tonight. It was one of those nights where there were so many laughs and inside jokes and new jokes being made. It was great. One of the new inside jokes is the title of this post. It's really not even that funny outside the context of the moment, so I won't attempt to explain it.

Many topics were discussed through the course of the evening and Troy suggested I blog about this one. Here's the deal. The new love of my life (that I affectionately refer to as iPod Nano) got sick the other day. So I made an appointment to take him into the doctor's office and have checked out and diagnosed. The technician took him into the the back and hooked him up to a lot of wires and monitors and ran some tests. The results came back normal. Apple Genius Dude says "he's not sick." Tells me the problem is actually with my PC. Scolds me for using a PC instead of a Mac. Berates me for being such a philistine. Then tells me there is no solution other than reinstalling Windows on my computer.

In the meantime, my iPod is useless...there's no music on it because nothing will load onto it from my computer. I ask Apple Genius Dude what I should do because I have nothing to listen to and it will be a couple of weeks before I can begin to troubleshoot my computer. He tells me to wait right there and he disappears with my little nano-love. Comes back a few minutes later, hands me back my heart's desire and says he loaded a bunch of his own music onto it. Awww, how nice! There are nearly 200 songs on the little guy, all loaded for free! This is going to be awesome!

So I will post the playlist of all my "free" songs in my next entry. That way you can all see how awesome this Apple Genius Dude really is.

An Existential Commentary on Post-Modernism

Not really. I just thought that sounded like a good title for this post. Makes me sound profound and filled with angst. I am filled with angst by the way. Lots of it. Angst, angst, angst. Hmmm, that's a funny word. Too many consonants. Poor little angst. He's confused and mixed up and looks like he lost a few letters along the way. No wonder he's unhappy and frustrated with the world. I can see why teenagers identify with him. Because, these days, teenagers don't know how to spell. So they look at a word like angst and to them it makes sense. Especially if they're dyslexic...then angst becomes stang. Which isn't a word. But they don't know grammar so they think stang is the past tense of sting, as in "the bee stang me." And if they're from East Texas that's how it would sound when they say it anyway. "The other day I got stang by a warsp." That's how they say wasp. Warsp. Oh, and they warsh clothes. Then they wrench 'em in water. That's "rinse" for those of you who aren't fluent in East Texan. It's a dying language...soon to follow the path already trod by Latin. Of course people mourn the death of Latin. I think there will be a party when East Texan is extinct. Like the dinosaurs, except different.

A prize to the person who can correctly identify the above form of literature. :)

I did it

I finally did what thousands of other people have done over the years. I never thought it would happen to me. I always made fun of the ones who did it. Now I am one of them.

I accidentally walked into the men's restroom.

Fortunately there was no one inside. I immediately realized my mistake and walked right back out again (got my first good look at a urinal...why is it blue?).

If you are one of the people who has done this before you completely understand. If you're one of the people that I used to join forces with, you are wondering how in the world I could make that mistake. All I can say is I was a little zoned out, glanced at the door, saw what I thought was the "girl" icon, walked in and took one look around and promptly walked back out. At least I'm not as bad as my aunt who walked into a men's restroom and wondered why there were urinals in the women's facility. Then she fussed at a man who walked in after her!

Oh well. Chalk it up to life experience. This is for Troy. Merry Christmas!

Countdown to Christmas

It's only four days away! I am so excited. I have all of my shopping done except for a few little stocking stuffers. Yesterday I wandered around the Galleria for a few hours with a friend and we had a great time watching all the bustle and checking out the fun store displays. I love this time of the year and want this week to go slowly.

Incidentally, this has nothing to do with Christmas but I just saw a commercial that really pushed the boundaries of tastefulness. It was for KY Personal Touch Warming Massage and Personal Lubricant. Enough said.

Today's blogvent will include a couple of links since I haven't posted for the past couple of days. My files were in the computer.

Nothing says Christmas like candy canes, cranberries and fireplaces.

Freedom!

I am so excited. Today is my last day or work for the rest of the year! I won't be back in the office until Jan. 2nd! My boss is the greatest and told us we could have two weeks off because we put in so much extra time covering the hurricanes. So I am counting down to 5:30pm when I can head out of here. I will do my utmost to keep the blog-vent coming next week...but be patient. My home computer is much slower and more persnickety so there may be glitches.

Oh, and the water, phones and electricity are all fully functioning today. It's a festivus miracle!

My Nightmare Has Come True

This is one museum that I will NEVER visit.

Update

I just got back from Wendy's. Ahem.

This chain of emails was in my inbox. You can't make this stuff up.
***
From: Marty
Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2005 11:32 AM
To: MCPB-Admin-Everyone
Subject: Porta-Potties

Now available just outside the back door. Nice, new, and very fresh.

Marty
***
From: Doug
Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2005 1:43 PM
To: MCPB-Admin-Everyone
Subject: RE: Porta-Potties

I’d like to add cool, breezy and refreshing to the list of adjectives.

Doug
***
From: Carol
Sent: Thursday, December 15, 2005 1:59 PM
To: MCPB-Admin-Everyone
Subject: RE: Porta-Potties

I'm not hearing the word "sanitary" in these messages.

(refreshing???)

Carol

I Mean Seriously

The lights are back. But we lost the phones. This is really becoming quite funny. As long as the roof doesn't cave in...

Just When You Think It Can't Get Worse

We just lost power. The lights are out and there is no air or heat. We still have computers because we're on backup generator power. No lights. No water. No toilets. I'm still essential.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The bad news is the water is still off. The good news is apparently I am "essential staff" because I still have to be here. The ugly news is they are currently setting up port-a-potties in the parking lot. I am not kidding. They do not pay me enough to walk out to the office parking lot and use a port-a-potty. Wendy's is still the better option here. This is like a funny nightmare.

News Flash

A water main is broken and we have no water in the building. I had to drive to the Wendy's down the road to use the ladies room. Plus, I had to ask for permission to go. Great day.

I'm Back!

Hey everyone! Did you miss me? Were you incredibly bored at work without your daily fix of QQ? Have no fear, I haven't abandoned the blogosphere. I didn't mean for that sentence to rhyme. I would have posted on Friday (my title was going to be "Frigid Friday") but I was stuck in a courtroom all day covering a federal trial. At the end of the day the jury had no decision, so it was basically a wasted work day. I sat in the courtroom and read Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince all day. I am so not happy with that book. Then I got a cold from sitting in that frigid courtroom all day, so Saturday, Sunday and Monday were spent in various stages of coughing, hacking and sneezing. Good times.

I just noticed that Aimee misses my advent-ing! Aimee, this is for you. :)

In other news, there is no other news. But at least you have an updated blog and that has to count for something.

Theatrical Thursday

Woe is me! Or is that woe is I? The New York trip has been called off! I am seriously bummed about this. No winter wonderland for me this year...just ho-hum Houston. Now you might say that it's stinkin' cold enough in Houston to make me happy...but I see no flakes wafting gently down from the heavens. I see no outdoor ice skating rinks surrounded by fluffy mounds of pristine snow. I see no 40-foot tall Christmas tree covered in thousands of lights soaring into the sky. I see no...well you get the idea.

Whimsical Wednesday

Who knew a little well-timed manipulation could result in so much?! You are all so great to indulge me. And thanks to Shanna for the cartoon for yesterday's entry. Apparently yesterday's post resulted in some odd dreams for one reader (I showed up in the dream as a matchmaker!). Sounds a little trippy if you ask me. My blog is not designed to produce hallucinations. Perhaps that person should refrain from eating spicy foods late at night and practice meditation before going to sleep. And whatever you do, don't forget: Sharing is Caring.

Terrible Tuesday

Hello everyone. I feel like it's been a while since we've chatted. No comments. No debates. No emotional outbursts. Makes me miss you all. Is it something I've done? Something I've said? Do you not like the blogvent calendar and just don't know how to tell me?

Okay fine. Enough whining. I get it already. It's okay if you don't want to participate in my cheery Christmas goodwill. You don't have to enjoy my seasonal offerings of reindeer socks and cheese logs and depressed snowmen. Be that way. Suckas!

Merry Monday

Very busy today, not much time to do the blogvent justice. I leave you with this.

Advent-ing Day Two

As you can see from yesterday's advent surprise, we all feasted on an annual holiday tradition. The cheese log. In case you haven't figured it out, each day will be a celebration of something we have all come to associate with the holidays. So here is today's blogvent Christmasy holiday-ish treat. Enjoy.

Advent-ing

In a shameless copy of other blog ideas...I am commiting to a daily blog advent calendar. Every day (except weekends, come on people) between now and Christmas I will post something holiday-ish and Christmasy just for your internet browsing pleasure. The concept is similar to the calendars you may have used as a child, where there was a door or pocket and you open it to find a surprise each day. Here's your first blogvent Christmasy holiday-ish surprise.