One thing I think I've well-established by now is the fact that my family is crazy. I know many of you think YOUR family is crazy. But mine is the real deal.
Even the family members who are closer to the sane end of the spectrum are still above the average level of crazy. Take my grandmother, as an example. She's generally a regular gramma, wearing her little cardigans and making the Christmas biscotti and fudge. But every once in awhile, you get a little taste of the crazy.
On Christmas Eve, as our family festivities were winding down, somehow the subject of dating came up. Now mind you, no one was questioning me or giving me grief about my dating life. We were merely discussing the issue. But gramma, who is a bit hard of hearing, got the wrong idea.
*Pause for momentary rabbit trail. Gramma can't hear very well anymore. She has a hearing aid, but doesn't like to actually use it. This is actually entertaining when someone says something like "close the front door" and gramma responds "what about the sweet corn?"
Ok, back to the story. So gramma hears the dating conversation, but she doesn't hear the actual details. So she jumps to the conclusion that everyone is making fun of me for being single. She jumps out of her chair, runs back to her bedroom, all the while yelling "hold on, hold on...God told me what's going to happen."
We're all a little confused at this point. She runs back into the room, clutching her rosary beads. "Now y'all stop making fun of her," she says to the room...still under the impression that I'm the butt of single-girl jokes. "God told me about your husband," she proclaims, thrusting the beads into my hands.
"Umm, ok Gramma. What did God tell you?"
"Look at that bead," she commands, pointing to one of the Our Fathers on the chain.
The beads are carved out of stone and I look closely at the one she points out. There's an aberration in the markings on the stone that looks like the number 35.
"God told me that 35 is for you," she announces. "When you're 35, you'll have a husband and a baby."
I'm a little unclear on whether I get the husband and the baby in the same year, or whether the husband comes earlier followed by the child, in which case by the time I'm 35 I will finally be a complete and whole person in the eyes of my family.
Either way, the beads have spoken.