Monday, January 03, 2011

Back on the Blogwagon

Hello friends!

Apologies for my loooong absence from the QQ! I'm back and hope to be a bit more consistent with my stories.

Now settle in, chilluns. I've got a good one for ya. What could be a better way to start off the new year than with an Awkward Guy post?

The scene: A glitzy New Year's Eve party
The characters: Your heroine (looking stunning in a slinky little black number, if I do say so...), an Awkward Guy, supporting cast
The story:

There I was, standing next to a friend of mine chatting about this and that, when up walks a guy I've known for many years with another guy in tow behind him.
"Laurie, I want you to meet my friend, John. He and I used to be roommates long ago. He's in town this weekend and I wanted you to meet him."

There stands John, looking ever so slightly uncomfortable, but also a little overly eager.
"Hello, I'm Laurie. Nice to meet you. You're in town for the weekend? Obviously you don't live in Houston, where do you live now?"

John says he now lives in the hill country region of Texas, an area I myself used to live in. "OH!" I exclaim. "I used to live a few miles from there!"
John smiles, nods and says nothing.

Errrm. Ok let me try that again.

"It's such a pretty part of Texas!" I add.

John nods and says "yes it is." Then stares. For a long time. Saying nothing.

Meanwhile my two other friends who had been standing nearby have completely cleared out. I'm in a deadzone. There is no escape.

After a pause that felt like an eternity, John asks me what I do for a living.
"I work in radio," I reply.
"Which station?" he asks.
"The NPR affiliate," I respond.
"And you're a CHRISTIAN??!" he exclaims.

We are off to a great start.
Let me take a moment to pause and remind all you single fellas out there that insulting a woman about her occupation is usually not the best method to impress her. It's not like I said I'm a stripper. I work in radio. News broadcasting and classical music. Not exactly the devil's work.

So I proceed to lay into him about how much I love my job and that Christians need to stop complaining about liberal bias in the media and start being a part of the things going on around them etc etc etc...then I finally cooled down and ended my tirade with "so what do you do?"

"I'm an allergist." Long stare. Silence.

"Do you enjoy your work?" I ask.

"Yes, I do. You know they say it takes 100,000 people to support one allergist. So I travel a lot." Long stare. More silence.

Here's another free tip for the have to actually talk when you're having a conversation with a girl. You can't just stare. Or stand there. Or wait for her to come up with all the questions. Because what will happen is she will do exactly what I did, which is say "I'm going to go dance with my friends. Nice meeting you." And she will walk off and then blog about you.


Carissa said...

Hilarious! You must have a magnet for awkward guys . . . actually, I think all single girls have that magnet - you're just really good at writing about it!

Elisabeth Firsching said...

Nice for a story, but not so good expieriencing it, I guess.
I do hpoe, that a lot of shy guys will read this and learn to be brave in front of a nice looking and smart girl ;-)
Happy new year to you, like your stories!

Melissa said...

The one I love is when people think it's ok to insult where you're from without first bothering to ask what you think about it. I get this a lot with New York AND Houston. Like I'll tell someone I lived in Houston for 4 years, and then they'll reply with "Oh Houston is so ugly, it's so boring, everyone drives around..." And I'm like "You know, I lived there for FOUR years, that probably means I liked it somewhat--thanks for insulting my taste and also feeling free to opine about something you know nothing about"

Kind of like someone who would light into you about your job....