It's a frog's life

Last night I got home a bit late, turned on the lights, walked into the kitchen and found this:



Now at first glance you might think it's a cute, harmless, helpless frog like this:

But it wasn't. It was a scaly, shriveled, disgusting frog like this:

So I called every guy I could think of in a ten mile radius to help me get it out of my house. Several of them didn't answer their phones. A few of them responded like this:

But one of them (after laughing a little bit) showed up at my house to rescue me from the clutches of the evil frog, making me think of this:

He then affirmed my decision to call for help by telling me that picking up the frog "was pretty gross" and that I could call him any time I needed help and he would be on the way, which made me feel like this:

And probably made him feel a little like this:

So after the heroic rescue, everyone was happy, except the frog. Who was dead. The end.

Church Music

Anything I could tell you about the David Crowder Band, you probably already know. I'll just say this: David Crowder continues to amaze me with the way he stretches the boundaries of what we consider worship music. I love how he does that. I know of very few Christian musicians who can turn techno-dance music into true, God-glorifying worship. Or conversely, turn an almost erotic love song into passionate delight in the Lord. I LOVE his cover of Flyleaf's All Around Me. It takes worship to a place most of us are uncomfortable with, and yet he makes it so...right. If you haven't heard Church Music yet, give the album a listen.

All Around Me ~ Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched toward you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive
I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding onto what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too, with you

I'm alive
I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding onto what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe

Surprise Endings

Not long ago, I was visiting a friend at his house where he was hosting a handful of people for a small party. After the party, as people were clearing up and heading out, he asked me if I'd like a quick tour of his home. Of course, I told him.

He showed me around in the few downstairs areas I hadn't seen before proceeding upstairs. Upstairs, he ushered me into the study (messy), the master bedroom (large) and moved on to the guest bedroom.

He opened the door, we both screamed and he slammed the door shut again.

Any guesses what was behind Door #3?

Yes, dear readers, it was one of my good guy friends, changing clothes before he went to another event.

They called it the special "LJ Tour."

Red Bull?

I have a recently developed theory (and by "recently" I mean just this moment) that the best and most universally loved fruits are all red. I mean, think about it for a minute. We all know people who detest bananas. We are ambivalent toward oranges most of the time. Green grapes amuse us for a while, but ultimately don't win the popularity contest. Red is where it's at.

Raspberries
Cherries
Watermelon
Red grapes
Plums
Strawberries

I have no idea what use or purpose this theory has, but since when do theories have to be useful? Also I really wish I could add peaches to the list, but they're not red. They're peach.

Revenge of the televangelists

Every once in awhile, I volunteer in my church bookstore. I'm in charge of running a register and helping with customers. Last Sunday, the store was very quiet and only one other volunteer was in there with me. The phone rang and I answered it, hearing an unusual voice on the other end. I couldn't decide if the caller was a man or a woman...it was definitely an older person with a high pitched voice.

The caller asked me my name and I told him/her. Then he/she said "can you find out if your store carries a book I'm looking for?" "Of course," I replied. "It's called I Was Healed, by Benny Hinn," the caller informed me.

Ummm. Houston, we have a problem.

Now I didn't want to be rude to this older she-male on the phone, but I also knew that there was no way my church would carry any of Benny Hinn's books or products. I wasn't sure how to tell her/him that, so I politely said "I don't think we carry that, but let me check our inventory and make sure."

I put the caller on hold and told the other volunteer that this person was looking for a book by Benny Hinn and if we somehow carried it I was quitting then and there.

Of course, it wasn't in our inventory. I got back on the phone and said "I'm so sorry, we don't carry any of Benny Hinn's books."
The caller responded "oh honey I wish you had that book. It's so amazing. I've been a member of the church for 20 years and it's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read. Benny Hinn writes about finding a treasure box and then he opens the box. And do you know what's inside that box?"
"Um, no," I say.
All of a sudden the person's voice changes to a man's voice with a normal pitch and he says "it was filled with a load of crap like I'm giving you!"

I was speechless. The guy starts cracking up laughing, saying "oh I got you! I got you good!" Turns out it was a friend of mine from the church, calling just to mess with me.

He did get me. He got me good. But you know what they say about payback...it's a...hassle.

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

~Pablo Neruda

On being forgettable

Before my vacation to Colorado, I sent an email to about a dozen friends, asking if anyone could take me to and pick me up from the airport. Several people responded and I made arrangements with two of them for rides.

One of my guy friends volunteered as the one to pick me up when I arrived back in town. I sent him all my flight information and confirmed that he would be available.

The night before my flight he sent me a text message confirming that he was still scheduled to pick me up.

The morning of my flight he sent me another text message that said he would be at the airport at 8pm to get me.

The night of my flight he forgot me.

The only acceptable version of a Ke$ha song

Irony, Meet Thy Thief

So yesterday my car was broken into. It was parked in the middle of my office parking lot, surrounded by the coworkers' cars. The "incident" happened some time during the middle of the afternoon, when our parking lot is usually quite busy.

The perpetrator(s) used some sort of tool to wedge between the front and back window and popped the front window to smithereens. It appears they were after a work bag I had in the back seat. I suspect they thought the bag contained a laptop. It didn't. All that was inside was a microphone and digital recorder and other odds and ends of the journalistic trade. They had no use for any of the stuff and dumped it back in the car and ran off. Here's where the irony comes in. My laptop was in the car. It was hidden underneath my driver's side seat. If they had looked closely, they could have seen the edge peeking out. But they missed it completely, got nothing for their time or effort and left me with a busted up car.

Part of me feels victorious. I foiled the would-be villains!
Part of me feels stupid. I left the bag in my car where anyone could see it.
Part of me feels grateful. It could have been much worse than just a broken window.

Mostly I just feel tired. Tired of dealing with grown-up problems. Tired of doing all of this alone. Tired of having no one to turn to and no one to cry with when bad things happen. Tired.

And then I remember that I have someone who sings me to sleep every night (Zeph 3:17). I have someone who loves me with an everlasting love (Jer 31:3). I have someone who satisfies me and makes me feel young again (Psalm 103:5). I have someone who protects me when I feel alone and scared (Psalm 27:5).

I have someone.

Different Kinds of Me

Maybe I've been trying too hard. I've been trying to protect you from how things really are, and in the process I lost my pleasure in this blog because it doesn't truly reflect me. I used to love writing as a creative outlet, but now it feels like a chore. Maybe it's time to make my blog what I really want it to be -- a place where I can be myself and not worry about whether the things I'm writing are the things you want to read.



I've always tried to keep the QQ funny and lighthearted. That's because most of the time when I veer away from that pattern, I get burned. People criticize what I say or misunderstand me or tell me they just wish I would go back to being funny again.



But the truth is I'm not just a funny girl. I'm funny and fun and warm and lighthearted, but I'm also deep and melancholy and contemplative and wounded. I'm someone who loves to laugh and I'm someone who cries often. I'm a girl with a great sense of humor, but there's much more to me than that.



My blog isn't the place to share my most personal thoughts or to work out my insecurities and issues. But it is MY blog and can be more than I've allowed it to be recently. I hope you're ok with that. If not, I'm doing it anyway.

*Update: Just as I was about to post this I found out my car was broken into...an ironic continuation of the reality that not everything is happy happy joy joy right now. Sigh.

Listing

Things I need to blog about, in no particular order:

• Vacation in Colorado
• Being forgettable
• I spy someone naked (almost)
• Friend-Dating

I'm going to try to be better about updating my blog regularly. If you have any suggestions for upcoming entries in the dating series, please let me know. I want to tackle friend-dating, but it's a tough topic! Stay tuned for that soon.

Thanks for sticking around, lovers. xoxo.

Geico does it again