I drank one of my tears today.
It dropped into my coffee cup this morning while I was grieving over decisions made and losses suffered.
I gulped it down anyway.
If life were a book, that would be poetic.
But, in reality, I think it's just pathetic.

Facebook Updates I'm tempted to Post But Won't for the Sake of Decency and Harmony

"Laurie thinks you're not nearly as funny as you think you are."

"Laurie wants to xoxo."

"Laurie finds your fashion decisions highly questionable."

"Laurie had Sex in a Pan. Twice."

Ooops! It happened AGAIN!

Ok I'm starting to think there's some sort of conspiracy going on.

Yesterday my phone rang at the office. I answered the call and it was a work colleague who wanted to talk about a story idea for the news. After chatting about the story, he casually said "so this is off the clock and off the record, but I really enjoyed seeing you at that event last week." "Oh. Yeah. It was nice running into you," I said. "Yes. I was standing behind you the whole time and I started getting a little bored during the event until I realized what a nice view I had looking at you from back there," he replied.

Ummmm. Wow.

Giddy

I'm in a new relationship and it's giving me that giddy feeling where I smile all the time, even though it's definitely still in the starting stages of getting to know each other. When we're apart, I can't wait to be together. When we're together, I feel a little awkward but so happy and excited. I know the awkwardness will wear off eventually and even the giddiness too. But I hope it will settle into something fun and long-term that retains a little bit of mystery.

I'm not ready to call it love, but I really REALLY like my Droid.

RETREAT!

I went on a church retreat with friends this weekend. We spent the weekend in the country, mostly just relaxing and playing games and enjoying a time of intentional restfulness.
While on the retreat, I met a new guy who I hadn't seen before. We were chatting and going through the usual get-to-know-ya questions.

We were out on the porch and I turned to look out at the pasture and take in the beauty of the outdoors. He was sitting in a chair behind me and I realized I was standing right in front of him, blocking his view of the scene. I quickly stepped to the side and apologized to him for blocking him.

He gave me a huge grin and said he didn't mind me standing in front of him as he had been enjoying the view from behind and that I was welcome to stand in front of him any time.

Now I ask you, how does a girl even respond to that?

I saw the movie 300

FAIL

Be My Guest

Let me just preface this blog entry by saying men are gross. That should clue you in to the nature of this story, continue reading at your own peril.

I recently hosted a small birthday party for a friend. As a group, we went to dinner, to be followed by dessert at my house. Circumstantially, I was the only girl in the group who stuck around for dessert (and I sorta HAD to be there since it was at my house and all).

So there I am, with seven guys circling the dessert like vultures. Or perhaps more like sharks scenting blood in the water. After the brownies were cut, I retreated to the other side of the table in fear that I might lose a limb in the feeding frenzy.

Once they were sufficiently sated with brownies and ice cream, they decided to lounge about and watch TV. Now this does not bother me one bit, except for the fact that one of the guys (who I have only met once or twice) made himself EXTREMELY comfortable on my couch. Sorry for the graphic description here, but the way he rolled around on my sofa made me think of a walrus attempting to mate with a sea serpent. He pretty much ravaged the couch.

Did I mention he had a cold? Because he did. And he kept loudly blowing his nose into a napkin. Again, I don't have a problem with that. Except for the fact that after he left, I found his snotty used napkin open and exposed ON THE COFFEE TABLE!!! EWWWWWWW! I almost gagged. I picked up two paper plates and scooped the napkin up to throw it away. Then I proceeded to wipe down the coffee table with 409 and spray Lysol all over the couch.

And don't even get me started on the other guy at the party who kept farting loudly while we played games. He blamed it on the ice cream.

And they wonder why they're single...

I'M ALIVE!

Hello Blog-World!

So much has changed in the past few weeks since I saw you last. I've accepted a job in Chicago, a city that I absolutely LOVE, and will be moving after the New Year. I'm super excited about this!

Or you know, I'm just making that whole job thing up and trying to make it seem like I had a flashy excuse for my blogging absence. The truth is I have been so busy lately that I haven't even had time to generate funny stories, let alone blog about them.

But I'm back in the saddle and promise new hilarity soon. And in case you're still confused, that whole thing about Chicago was a joke. Houston is home. For now.