Be My Guest

Let me just preface this blog entry by saying men are gross. That should clue you in to the nature of this story, continue reading at your own peril.

I recently hosted a small birthday party for a friend. As a group, we went to dinner, to be followed by dessert at my house. Circumstantially, I was the only girl in the group who stuck around for dessert (and I sorta HAD to be there since it was at my house and all).

So there I am, with seven guys circling the dessert like vultures. Or perhaps more like sharks scenting blood in the water. After the brownies were cut, I retreated to the other side of the table in fear that I might lose a limb in the feeding frenzy.

Once they were sufficiently sated with brownies and ice cream, they decided to lounge about and watch TV. Now this does not bother me one bit, except for the fact that one of the guys (who I have only met once or twice) made himself EXTREMELY comfortable on my couch. Sorry for the graphic description here, but the way he rolled around on my sofa made me think of a walrus attempting to mate with a sea serpent. He pretty much ravaged the couch.

Did I mention he had a cold? Because he did. And he kept loudly blowing his nose into a napkin. Again, I don't have a problem with that. Except for the fact that after he left, I found his snotty used napkin open and exposed ON THE COFFEE TABLE!!! EWWWWWWW! I almost gagged. I picked up two paper plates and scooped the napkin up to throw it away. Then I proceeded to wipe down the coffee table with 409 and spray Lysol all over the couch.

And don't even get me started on the other guy at the party who kept farting loudly while we played games. He blamed it on the ice cream.

And they wonder why they're single...