Food for Thought

This article is long, and a bit depressing, but definitely worth the read.

Things you don't want to hear first thing in the morning

Me: "Hello?"

Him: "Hey good morning."

Me: "Hey! Good morning! What's up?"

Him: "I sinned last night, LJ. Pray for me."

Me: "Ok. Um, can I ask what happened?" (meanwhile mentally panicking.)

Him: "I bought more Magic cards. I know I shouldn't have done it. It's the last time, I swear."

Me: "You're such a dork."

Crunching Numbers

Last night I was hanging out with some girlfriends and for some reason we reverted to junior high and decided to compare how many guys' phone numbers each of us had.

The rules were that it only counts if the guy is not married, not dating, not gay and not family.

I won with a total of 25 guy's numbers in my cell phone. My closest competitor had 15. The other girls seemed to think this made me closer to a dating relationship than the rest of them. I gently pointed out that having a phone number does not equal having a date. Or 25 dates.

Unexpected Outcomes

The Voice - watch more funny videos

Giving Up

What if we stop having a ball
What if the paint chips from the wall
What if there's always cups in the sink
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you
What if you dream of somebody new
What if I never let you in, chase you with a rolling pin
Well, what if I do?

What if our baby comes in after nine
What if your eyes close before mine
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you safe in my heart

Cuz I am giving up
on making passes
I am giving up
on half-empty glasses
I am giving up
on greener grasses
I am giving up
for you

~Ingrid Michaelson

I've still got it

I used to meet a friend of mine at a certain breakfast joint on a fairly regular basis. Every time we'd go there, the guy behind the counter would stare at me and tell me how beautiful I was and generally make it quite obvious that he was enamored. While flattering, it was also a bit intense and left me wondering exactly how to respond.

Well I recently went back to that restaurant after not visiting for a long time. This man has not seen me for close to a year, but it was like a tractor beam locked onto me when I walked in the door. He just stared and stared like he was seeing a woman for the first time.
I gotta tell ya, it's a little freaky. I don't think he realizes his technique is working against him. But at least I know that there is at least one man out there who thinks I am stunning...he's just a little stalkerish.

Mistaken Identity

Yesterday my cell phone rang and I didn't recognize the number of the caller. I decided to answer the phone anyway.

"Hello," I said.

Long pause.

"Uh...Mom?" the caller replied.

That's definitely a first.

Que?

The other night I was at the grocery store and an older woman approached me with a confused look on her face. "Espanol?" she asked.

"Uh, hablo pequito espanol," I replied.

She proceeded to explain (in spanish) that she was looking for oregano and didn't know how to find it among the numerous spices on the shelves. I located it for her and that was that.

But I had to ponder...of all the people in the grocery store...why did she think the translucent white girl with red hair was the most likely one to speak spanish?

Things I'm ashamed to admit...

You ever have one of those surreal moments where you take a step back and look at yourself in a situation and wonder what in the world you're doing and why you're doing it?

I had a moment like that over the weekend.

It was two in the morning and I was playing Magic: The Gathering (a card strategy game for teens). I was the only girl, playing against four guys. That's right...I was playing a really geeky game with a bunch of crazy boys...ahem...I mean grown men. And I had to ask myself...why?

Perhaps the answer lies in the fact that the guys taught me to play and I subsequently kicked their tails.

I <3 Maryland

Last week I went to Maryland to visit a friend of mine and spend Independence Day with her. I had never visited Maryland before and was completely charmed by the small city she lives in and its quaint environs.

While there, we went shopping in the town square. Inside the first shop I walked into, there was a tall rather attractive man running the store. He chatted with me and asked if I had been there before. I told him no, I'm from Houston.

Just then a huge St. Bernard lumbered into my path and the man playfully yelled at the dog "get out! get out of here right now! go outside!"

My friend came running into the store from outside and glared at the man and demanded to know why he had been yelling at me and kicking me out of his store. The storekeeper and I both looked at my friend in amusement and explained that he had been yelling at the dog, not at me.

Then the storekeeper looked at me and said "oh no...we LOVE Houstonians here." Then he walked over, grabbed me into a hug and kissed me and said "no really, we really like Houstonians."

Needless to say, I really like Marylanders.

Things I didn't expect to do this week (or ever)

• Help guy friend put on pajamas and get comfy in bed
• Remind guy friend that just because he's wearing boxers does not mean he should show them to me at every opportunity
• Remove guy friend's ace bandages from the thigh region
• Sit across from guy friend while he pees into a container
• Hold guy friend's hand while he endures painful procedures

Let's just say we've taken the friendship to a whole new level. And for those who haven't picked up on it, aforementioned guy friend was in the hospital. Give me a LITTLE credit...it's not like I do all that on a casual visit over coffee.

What's in a Name?

Transcript of a Facebook exchange:

Laurie wrote on Justin Fountain's wall: "Happy happy birthday to you! Of all the Fountains I've seen, you're my favorite!"

Justin wrote on Laurie Johnson's wall: "And of all the Johnsons I've seen...Oh wait! That came out wrong..."