Things that made me laugh this week:
"There's no way his lungs could possibly make that kind of noise."
"Don't burn your butt when you sit down."
On the subject of guys and girls liking each other:
"Not those two. Those two."
"Have you heard the one about the narcoleptic bird?"
"We are not going to indiscriminately snuggle."
"I have no words for you. You are mean and evil. I loathe you, Laurie, I loathe you."