Thursday, May 25, 2006

Blogiversary: Day Four

Sorry for the delay in posting today's entry. The Enron verdict came down this morning, so it's been a bit hectic around here.

I have noticed the QQ guest-bloggers seem to have one thing in common: They like lists. Today's guest blogger is the fabulous Miss Beth Richards. Tell it, Sistah!

~Laurie
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Cleaning Tips for Bachelor(ette)s

THE FRIDGE
  1. Take out can only survive in your fridge for about a week. After that, unless you want to microwave it until it becomes brick-like, it probably isn't safe.
  2. If something is moldy in your refrigerator, throw it away. Mold can be green or white.
  3. If a milk carton date is two months before today's date, DO NOT OPEN IT. If you try to pour out the milk down the sink, you will want to throw up. It will look like the butter you made in third grade pioneering, but it isn't the same.
  4. Remember that drawer in the bottom of the fridge? Be careful. If you store fruits and veggies in it from that week you did South Beach four months ago, they might still be in there. Fruit that is squishy is not good. Vegetables that leak brownish-green fluid are not good.
  5. Never use a stool to check out the top of the fridge. It's too scary. And never, ever, ever, look under the fridge or behind. It's WAY too scary.

THE HOUSE

  1. Discard dead insect bodies by sucking them up with a vacuum cleaner hose. Large roaches can be scooped up using a credit card application and the envelope it came in. (Editorial note: This idea is insane and I do not advise following this advice. Instead, call your bestest guy friend and get him to come dispose of the vile intruder for you.)
  2. The Swiffer is your friend. Only use it for fun. Put on some fun music with the Swiffer. It's neat to do experiments with it and to see if you can make a Wookie out of all the items collected on it. Something they don't tell you on the box: You can flip the Swiffer sheet over and use that side, too. Not quite as effective, but a cost-saving move.
  3. If friends are coming over, grab a box and put all miscellaneous junk items laying around in it. Shove the box in the back of the closet. If you've put a Blockbuster movie in there, make sure you don't forget about it. Because that whole "No late fees" thing is a crock. They'll make you buy the movie.

THE BATHROOM

  1. If it's conducive, put on swim goggles and yellow rubber gloves and spray down the whole bathroom with Scrubbing Bubbles. It will do all the work for you.
  2. Only real Windex can get the toothpaste polka dots off your mirror. Use anything else, and you'll be disappointed with the results.

7 comments:

Bonnie said...

Too funny!! And I do actually ask my male friends to come over and disgard any dead bugs...especially roaches...that I was fortunate enough to hit with Raid. Which is another issue all together...I usually get Raid all over my apartment before I get enough on the roach to make him start slowing down.

Anonymous said...

Laurie, love the guest bloggers, I have had many laughs over the last few days.
Beth, girl you have got it down with all the cleaning tips. I am still laughing about the fridge.
Moms K.

Eye Doctor Justin said...

Oh Beth... you maketh me laugh.

You are dead on about not opening the milk container. In undergrad we once kept a container of milk in our frig for the ENTIRE SEMESTER. When we finally opened it, the milk container made the same sound that opening a can of Coke makes. We used to have periodic contests to see who could smell it without gagging. Probably more than yall needed to know.

Anonymous said...

Justin- boys are so weird. Fear Factor should definitely be a college sport using the frig as a prop.
Also, Bonnie, I sprayed Raid the other day to kill a spider, and I think I have Raid-lung now. If I opened the door to venilate, mosquitoes would come in. What to do?!
AND, after I wrote this, I found a banana that was leaking brown fluid AND had BOTH green and white mold. BLEHH.

Todd Richards said...

Beth... you have managed to win my heart once again. Your wit is captivating...

I have a great rotten milk story... but it didn't go bad in the fridge.

The forgotten veggies... I found some just this week that were not yet rotten. I cooked them up and ate them yesterday. Mmmmm!

Mike said...

For those of you who really want to Kill Bugs Dead on contact, but you don't want all those nasty chemicals in your air, I suggest buying one of those empty spray bottles at BB&B and filling it with rubbing (isopropyl) alcohol. It will kill roaches and such at least as fast as RAID and it doesn't smell as bad, or leave as nasty a residue.

Anonymous said...

That alcohol thing better work if I try it. I might have to do a test on some ants or something that doesn't scare me. Do other types of alcohol work as well or does that just make them walk funny?
-Beth