Monday, February 21, 2011

Fake Boyfriends...and other things I need to learn to lie about

My company recently hired a new custodial staff. Last week, as I was leaving the office, I happened to get on the elevator at the same time as one of the new custodians. I smiled and said "hey how's it going" thinking we would just leave it at that. Nominal elevator chit chat is all I had in mind.

He smiled back, asked me how I was and then said "so did you have a nice weekend?"

As we all know, this is very safe workplace conversation, so I felt comfortable with engaging in further discussion.

"Oh yes, it was very nice. The weather was so gorgeous. I really enjoyed it."

"Yeah," he eloquently said. "And how bout your Valentine's Day? Was that good?"

Oh no. This is NOT safe workplace conversation. This is more like a "I'm trying to find out if you're seeing someone" conversation.

"Umm, well you know. Valentine's Day was alright," I warily replied. Then I looked back at the elevator door, silently willing it to go faster.

" did you spend it with your sweetheart?" he persistently queried.

"Uh...well I don't know if I would use the word 'sweetheart,'" I hedged. "You know how it goes."
I laughed, nervously.

"What? You don't have a sweetheart?!"

Blast. This isn't working. I'm going to have to lie.

"Oh you know...sweetheart isn't always the word I use for him. More like 'guy who can't get his act together' if you know what I mean," I said with a pained smile.

"Oh yeah, I hear ya," he sympathized. "But you're gonna get tired of that. You'll want something different. That won't last."

Just then the elevator door opened, I chuckled and agreed that it probably would get old after awhile and practically jogged down the hall, calling out "have a good one!" over my shoulder.

I'm clearly going to have to get better at making up fake boyfriends and the details of our relationship. It can't be a good sign that my made-up boyfriend is a loser and our relationship is going downhill. If I can't even make the imaginary relationships work, what hope is there?!


Greg said...

LJ. Is it bad form that i'm laughing hysterically?

Anonymous said...

I have the same problem with my fake girlfriends - they're always sub-par

Laurie said...

Clearly we both need to raise our fake-relationship standards.

I'm glad you're laughing. It's supposed to be ironic, not depressing. ;)