Best Line of the Day

"Sometimes I just want to wear the pants and not the pantiliners."

Pondering

"The best women belong to the men most daring. Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top. Men do not want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. They prefer to get the rotten apples that are on the ground that are easy to reach. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in fact they are wrong. They simply have to wait a little longer for the man who is brave enough to climb to the top of the tree."

~Machado de Assis, Brazilian Poet

Brilliant

Someone, somewhere higher up the food chain, made a bold move to help employees in my workplace stop the spread of germs.

Dispensers have been installed in nearly every room in the building. The theory is that no matter where you wander, who you shake hands with or how often you cross paths with a sneezer or cougher, you're only a few steps away from antibacterial hand sanitizer.

There's just one problem: the dispensers are filled with hand soap.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

I recently started volunteering at the bookstore in my church. I'm there most Sunday evenings, working the cash register, answering questions and helping people find books.

The lady who runs the bookstore has decided that this is going to be a hook-up opportunity for me. Nearly every time a young man walks into the store she drifts away, leaving me to help him.

Sometimes guys who I know come in and chat with me for a while at the counter. After they walk away, she gives me little knowing looks and says "uh huh...I saw that...he stayed at the counter talking to you for a looong time."

"Yes, he did," I reply. "I've known him for 5 years. His name is Darrick."

Last week a guy came in who I hadn't seen in years. We talked for quite a while, catching up on what each of us had been doing in the interim since we had seen each other. After he left the store, she sidled up to me and gave me a little wink and said "oh now THAT seemed interesting...any potential there?"

"I sure hope not," I said. "He's married and has three children."

She needs to work on fine-tuning her matchmaking skills.

Sort Of

Baby you've got the kind of hands to rip me apart
and Baby, you've got the kind of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me
This early morning
That my love's too big for you, my love

Baby, you've got the kind of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud
And flattens me
I find you stunning
But you are running me down
My love's too big for you, my love

Baby you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just cannot say, the truth impales
That you don't need me
But you won't leave me
My love's too big for you, my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
If I was stronger then I would leave this show
If I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am
And here we go again

~Ingrid Michaelson

Riddle me this, Batman!

I have a green dress that has a sort of black checkered pattern on it. I wore it to work recently and one of my coworkers told me I looked like Jim Carrey's version of the Joker. I repeated that comment to one of my girlfriends and she was outraged. "Your coworker is an idiot," she exclaimed.

I felt so vindicated.

Then she said "I mean come on! Jim Carrey was the Riddler! NOT the Joker!"

FAIL

I love it when single men try to be smooooth and fail miserably. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being malicious. I just think it's cute and kind of endearing when they are clearly trying so hard and then get all flustered and end up having to dig themselves out of a hole.

Case in point...

Yesterday evening I was at a dinner event where I bumped into a guy I recently met. He was chatting with me while filling up his glass of lemonade. He took a sip of the drink, winked at me and said "mmmm....this lemonade is sweeter than you."

Let me pause a moment and let that line sink in...

I looked at him and said "um, really? The lemonade is sweeter than me?"

Ahhh there it is...the light is dawning in his eyes and the horror-stricken look passes over his face as he tries pathetically to recover, internally cursing himself and mentally wishing for a magic rewind button.

"uhh I meant uhhh...the lemonade is as sweet as you are..."

hee hee :)

I'll be back soon...