Friday, May 02, 2008

Identity Crisis

I have this recurring issue that occasionally freaks me out. Most of the time I'm ok with it or don't even notice it. But about once or twice a year something will happen that causes me to reexamine this issue and over-analyze the implications.

The issue is my lifelong tendency to build strong friendships with guys. This isn't really a problem in and of itself, but it does create problems from time to time.

As far back as I can remember, I've had really close guy friends. My very first best friend was Matthew Bailey. We were BFF from the age of about 6 months on up to middle school. There was also Shawn, Chris and the first love of my life, Ben. The list goes on.

I never have been able to figure out this part of my personality. I don't know why guys feel such a connection with me and I don't know why I feel so comfortable being close with them. I'm not exaggerating when I say that men who I barely know will confide in me, seek advice from me and share all their junk. I don't seek out these friendships. They come to me. Then there are other friendships that develop over time and are much more intentional.

Most of the girls I know feel the opposite about guy friendships. They say it makes them uncomfortable to share 'real' stuff with their guy friends. Or sometimes it's just a basic misunderstanding of how to be friends with men and how to respond to their thoughts and concerns.

I've also encountered a lot of girls who disapprove of male/female friendships. I've never understood this. I totally get that those friendships can become confusing or misleading or sometimes even inappropriate. But I don't understand the mentality that it's wrong to be friends with a guy. Unfortunately, I've heard that message from quite a few girls. And I've been made to feel like there's something wrong with me because I have close guy friends.

I think that's probably where my freak-out moments stem from. I'm not worried about whether it's right or wrong. What nags at me is that I'm different. And because of being different, I'm misunderstood and sometimes even judged. And then I start to question if maybe there really is something wrong with me. Commence the over-analysis.

I don't know why I'm sharing all of this on my blog. Chalk it up to lack of sleep.

NB: If you're reading this and you happen to be one of my close guy friends, there's no cause for concern. You don't need to do or change anything. :)


Liz Logan said...

I say there is nothing wrong with you!! I choose to have more guy friends because usually there is WAY less drama!! Plus they don't complain when I want to watch!


gL said...

I think opposite gender friends are great as long as you know where you both stand. The issue is that people end up crossing the boundaries as you stated already and then one person likes the other in a more than friends way and the feelings aren't returned which leads to akwardness, rejection, hurt, pain, I could continue, but you get the point

Troy said...

I think it might have something to do with the dang good baked goods you always have around.

Becca said...

You're not weird or crazy. I totally have the same problem. Guys are easier like Liz said. Less dramarama overall and less hormones ;) I'll commiserate with you anytime you want! I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one too!

Mindy said...

my theory- if boys would learn how to communicate better, then there wouldn't be any misunderstandings or mistaken boundaries to be crossed. :) just a thought. :-)