Identity Crisis

I've been wanting to blog about this for several days, but haven't had the time. Recently a friend sent out an email to all the women she knew. She was conducting an informal survey of her friends and wanted to know how many of us want to be stay-at-home moms. The question wasn't "ARE you a stay-at-home mom?" and it wasn't "do you think it's BEST to be a stay-at-home mom?" but rather "do you WANT to be a stay-at-home mom?".

I didn't even have to think about the answer to that one: YES!

I've known for a long time that I want a family and I want to be a homemaker. My mom always stayed home with my brother and me and I can see how that choice had an incredible impact on my life. I would love nothing more than to be able to do the same thing for my children. I've never been a very ambitious person. When I think of the future, I don't see myself in a high-powered career. I see myself washing laundry, cooking meals, teaching my kids, gardening, running errands etc...

As I read my friend's email, I started pondering how much I really do WANT to be a stay-at-home mom. I would say it is the most important dream I have for my future. I would even say it shapes my identity and what I believe about myself. But there are a lot of pronouns in that idea. "I want...MY future...MY identity" What if God's dream for my future doesn't include marriage, motherhood, homemaking? How will I respond to that?

Am I prepared to relinquish my dream and embrace God's plan, whatever that may be? I don't really have much choice, when it comes down to it. God's plan will prevail. The only choice I have in the matter is how I will respond to His plan. I can submit joyfully to whatever He has in store for me. Or I can grumble and become bitter, cynical and hardhearted.

Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." That verse is often used out of context to "prove" that if we love God, He will give us what we want. But what the psalmist is really saying is that if I delight in God then the desire of my heart will be God and He will fulfill that desire by giving me more of Himself.

The hard part about that is replacing my dreams with God alone. The great part about that is the promise of finding greater satisfaction in God than I ever could in my dreams.