The Secret

For those of you who still care, I can now reveal the secret. Two months ago I blogged that I had a secret that only two other people knew about. I told you that secret could be revealed after October 31st. I also told you this secret was nothing ground-breaking. It wasn't about a relationship, nuptials, pending births or anything else remotely thrilling. It was just a secret. So here's what happened.

One day late in August, I received an email from Todd Richards. The email instructed me to scroll down to the bottom and read the conversation that was pasted in. The conversation was between Todd and Justin Fountain. The two men were debating who had more nicknames. Justin threw down the gauntlet and challenged Todd to a nickname duel. The only problem was the men needed an objective outside observer to judge the contest. This, Todd told me, is where I came in. Would I be the judge of the Infamous Nickname Challenge? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I, of course, was honored by the request and readily acquiesced. I was also slightly shocked that I was considered an "objective" judge, but I kept that thought to myself.

So the contest began. I drafted several rules for the contestants. Negotiations over the rules took about a day. Finally, all parties were in agreement and the INC began on the first day of September in the Year of our Lord two thousand and six. The rules stated that each contestant must be referred to by any given nickname twice before it could be submitted. Furthermore, the nickname had to be used by at least two different people in reference to the contestant. The contestants were prohibited from giving themselves new nicknames, although once a nickname had been used they could repeat it in front of others in an attempt to help it catch on. The contestants were also prohibited from telling any one about the INC. This was a top secret contest. The deadline for nickname submissions was the thirty-first of October in the Year of our Lord two thousand and six.

Over the past two months, both men did their best to promote the use of nicknames. Every once in a while, I would receive an email or text message alerting me to a new qualifying nickname. It was my job to judge the validity of each entry and keep the tally. The race was neck and neck. The first entry came from Todd. He was called "T-Bone." The next was from Justin. He had two: "New York Justin" and "My Favorite." Then another from Todd, "Hot Toddy." Then Justin pulled ahead again with "Violent J."

Yesterday, I did a final check on the numbers and found the standings were as follows:

Todd: T-Bone, Hot Toddy, Toddatello, T-Rich

Justin: New York Justin, My Favorite, Violent J, Cocky Justin, J-flow

Justin's final submission broke the tie and he was declared winner of the Infamous Nickname Challenge! Todd was a gracious loser, stating Justin deserved to win with a nickname like J-flow as his final entry. It is assumed Justin was a gracious winner as well...

And as a postscript, Todd said he had one more nickname he would have liked to submit, but it came a day late and was only used by one person. Don Munton referred to him as "T-Baby."