Things that made me laugh this week:
"I can't pimp out Jonathan."
"Hey, you two over there in the love bubble..."
loooong pause before the love bubble responds
"Shanna, how do you feel about all these teachers getting their groove on with young boys?"
"It's all false advertising."
Me to police officer: "It's really warm in here. Is the A/C broken?"
Police officer to me: "It's like this all the time...like working in hell."
"We'll live here for the first year, then we'll get you pregnant and move to the suburbs."
"I was just in a happy non-Bandaid world before you dropped that bombshell."
A friend speaking on the assumed advantages of being married over being single: "I'd rather have even a few months of earth-shattering, mind-blowing, furniture-destroying melees in the bedroom...living room...kitchen...closet...garage...with my husband...and then be taken for granted for 40 years."