On the road again

I feel a road trip coming on. I haven't told my boss yet...and since he reads this blog I guess now would be as good a time as any to request some vacation time. Jack? A week and a half? Maybe in September? Let's talk.

Anyhoo, the problem with taking a road trip when you live in Texas is that it takes so frickin long to get anywhere that isn't still in Texas! I mean there's always Louisiana, but that's pretty much your only option when you live in Houston and want to get out of the state for awhile. Sooo...that being the case, where would you go on a road trip out of Houston? Austin, Dallas, San Antonio and all points in between don't count. Been there, done that. And let's go ahead and keep border cities off the list. I'm not interested in being kidnapped, killed or joining a cartel.

Car-ma

It's Wednesday. Normally I go to Starbucks on Wednesdays because I also go to city council on Wednesdays and sometimes the only thing that gets me through is a grande non-fat no-whip mocha and a cranberry-orange scone.

So I couple weeks ago I was on my normal Wednesday morning route to the drive-through Starbucks in my neighborhood. I placed my order, pulled up to the window, paid for my drink and drove away. It wasn't until I was several blocks away that I took my first sip...only to discover they had given me the wrong drink. I assume I got someone else's vanilla latte and someone else got my mocha. I was so disappointed. I only go to Starbucks once a week! It's a special treat! What a let down. It was too late to turn around and go back. Oh well.

So the following Wednesday, I was back at Starbucks, going through the drive-through line. I remembered how they messed up my order last time and thought about mentioning it to the barista. I figured they might give me a free drink this time to make up for the mistake before. But then I decided not to say anything. It's not really a big deal. It's just a cup of coffee, after all.

When I arrived at the window, the cashier handed me my coffee and I handed her my credit card.
"Oh, your drink is free," she said.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Yea, the guy in the car in front of you paid for your drink. He said to tell you it was a random act of kindness and that he hopes you have a great day."

I drove away with a huge smile on my face and a hot, delicious mocha in my cupholder. :)

A (Blogging) Failure

I've realized any time I have something particularly good or particularly bad happen in my life, my blogging drops off dramatically. Looking back over the past two years of blogging (or lack thereof), that's a lot of ups and downs. Which pretty accurately reflects how I feel about the last two years of my life. The past two years have included crossing the threshold into my 30s, two relationships, two breakups, a trip to Europe, the death of my pawpaw, some pretty intense emotional therapy, moving out on my own after living with roommates for my entire adult life and changing churches. And that's just the big stuff. Countless other small changes and challenges are peppered between those events.

I tend to be pretty hard on myself. I have a twisted mentality that if I mess up on something, the entire thing is a complete failure. So I either have to be perfect at something, or I don't allow myself to do it at all. I know I'm not great at sports, so I don't participate in them at all. Ridiculous, I know. But being mediocre, or even downright bad, at sports is far worse in my messed up mind than not playing sports at all. Avoidance. If you don't try, you can't fail.

I even find myself applying this dubious logic to blogging. If I miss one or two days of blogging, I've failed and should just quit altogether. Never mind the fact that there is no "rule" that I must blog five days a week. There are no blog police monitoring my posting frequency. I'm not going to get shut down for subversive non-blogging. But in the sickness of my mind, it matters.

When I look back over that list of things I've been through in the past two years, I realize how much joy and loss I've experienced in such a short amount of time. I realize how big life really is, even when it seems so small. I realize how I've spent 32 years of my life living by rules that no one else has imposed on me. I realize that my biggest failure is letting the fear of failure dictate my actions. It's time to walk away from that fear. Today. I'm certain it will creep back in. I'm positive I'll succumb to it again at some point in the future. But that doesn't make me a failure.