Tuesday, August 16, 2011

An update and a horror story

I have assembled all the chairs. I have also purchased paint samples to test on the chairs. I went the three-color route, with a combination of teal, magenta and mustard yellow. I'll post pictures once I have something to show.

In other news, the other day someone noticed a large cockroach casually walking through our reception area. This is upsetting for many reasons: One) Because the cockroach was not invited; Two) Because our reception desk is on the third floor inside a closed building and HOW DID THE COCKROACH MAKE IT THAT FAR WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED; and Three) Because cockroaches are vile, repulsive and in every way disgusting.

But that's not the horror story. The true horror was how our receptionist chose to handle this serious security breach.

Step 1: She found a styrofoam cup and a piece of paper
Step 2: She placed the cup over the cockroach and trapped it
Step 3: She slid the paper under the cup and picked up the trapped roach
Step 4: She released the cockroach outside, back into the wild, where it could be free to terrorize other unsuspecting victims

What kind of sicko uses Catch and Release on a cockroach?!? Clearly she and I are philosophically and ideologically opposed in every way that is most important and core to human interaction.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Sniffing Paint Chips

Earlier this year, I bought a dining table that is dark and distressed with flecks and streaks of deep green paint on it here and there. It's made from reclaimed teak from an old barn or boat, so there's little chance of finding the perfect chairs to match.

So instead I opted to buy natural wood chairs and paint them myself. My plan is to paint them in various bold, bright colors to draw out the color scheme in my house. I'm not afraid of using color and really want the overall effect to POP. The picture below is the general concept, although the colors I'm considering are deeper and richer.

But here's what I can't decide. I have six chairs and I want to paint them different colors. Would it look better to paint them six completely different colors? Or would it make more sense to paint them two and two and two? Or, as in the picture above, four and two? Help!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Picking Your Brain

A friend and I were having a conversation today about books and authors and she made the comment that she'd really like to spend a day inside the brain of a particular author in order to discover how someone comes up with a story like the one we just read.

That got me thinking...within whose brain would I choose to spend a day?

My first thought was a guy's brain. I haven't quite figured out which guy. Not anyone I've dated, because I don't want to know what they're thinking (or not thinking at all) about me. Not anyone famous, because obviously their thoughts aren't representative of the male population. Just an average guy. This is how I imagine a day inside a guy's brain would go:

*Wakes up
I have to pee like a horse!

I wonder how horses actually pee? Do they hike a leg up? I should try that.

Mmmm...shampoo...hahaha POO...hahaha I wonder why the word poo is in shampoo...

*Examines self in mirror, does a little naked dance with various parts flopping about
You're a god, an Adonis...look at you...you could be Harrison Ford's twin. The young Harrison Ford...Han Solo era...not Air Force One Harrison Ford. You're not there yet, my boy. But some day...some day...

*Eats breakfast
I love food.

*Goes to work
I hate work.

*Eats lunch
I love food

*Goes back to work
Why don't we have naps at work? There should be naps. And baked goods. Why don't any of the girls around here make baked goods?

*Looks at female coworker
Ohhh boobies...

*Works some more
Boobies...boobies...I love boobies

*Goes home
What this apartment complex needs is a Wing Stop!

Is my day inside a guy's brain overly simplified? Perhaps. Is it roughly accurate? I think, yes. And just to be clear, I mean no offense to the thinking processes of men...I know you all are capable of thoughts at levels higher than an eight-year-old boy. But because this is mostly all I hear guys talk about, it's what I assume yall think about all the time. Which is why I'd really like to spend a day inside a guy's brain...to find out how close my perceptions are to reality.